Seen

At last, at last.

I have not been patient, but I have been obedient.  I have rested, and I have spoken to my seniors and to the Comforters and the Singers, and I have done every single thing Brid asked of me.  I have stayed away from the hunt, though I am parched for news.  But until I know for certain that this news will not set back my healing, I will hold myself away even from rumors of the hunt.  I have been very good.  And today I was rewarded.

Out of an abundance of caution, Salathiel and Orison both came with me today on my first flight, ready to catch me if even for a moment I faltered.  All went well, however—I was impatient to stretch my wings, and they felt strong and sure.

“Now, slowly,” Salathiel told me, and we slipped through the boundary between Earth and heaven.

I felt the difference more strongly than I usually do—the weight of the evil in the world pressed in on me, and my wound ached severely.  Orison flew beneath me, while Salathiel was at my back, both ready to sweep me back to safety. 

But I took a few breaths to steady myself, and my strength held firm.  I nodded to them both.

Laughing with joy, Salathiel took my arm and brought me back to where Brid waited.  “Well, sister, we are satisfied,” she said.  “Are you?”

It was so hard to remain silent while she examined me.  Finally, finally, she sighed and smiled.  “I am satisfied,” she answered.  “Shall we go?”

I was gone almost before she could finish her sentence, winging faster and faster down to where I most wanted to be.

My precision was off—I landed in the living room, while Freya was up in her room.  Both George and Kara were there, however, and they bounded to their feet in shock at the sight of me.

Because of course they could see me.  I was given formal permission just this morning from Salathiel to reveal myself to these friends.  How could I not?  They saved my life.

I opened my mouth to greet them, then stopped, for they were standing still, their eyes huge, their hearts racing.  They were afraid.

And little wonder.  To them, I was a figure of horror, shaped of harsh light with head brushing the ceiling and wings that filled the room, my limbs over-long and my face fully taken up with the black, raging eye in my brow.  The light of me was darkened too by the scar across my chest, a blood-red hole carved out of me.

I have imagined how I might appear to humans, but this was not what I thought I would be.  I would have been surprised, too.  Even Freya, up in her room, had frozen, though whether or not she felt fear or just disbelief, I could not tell.

“Do not be afraid,” I said to all of them, my voice as gentle as I could make it.

George inhaled, and Kara relaxed, and Freya leapt up and raced for the stairs.

I wanted to jump to her, but I also did not want to do anything that might startle the others, and also suddenly I felt weak again, tired and a little frightened myself.  What if Freya was afraid of me?  What if even she could not see past the strangeness of me to the soul that she has come to know?

And so I waited, conscious of and grateful for Brid standing just at my back.  And Freya appeared in the doorway, hair flying, eyes wild.

I don’t know if it was simply the long and fraught separation, or perhaps that revealing myself made my own vision clearer in return.  But she was more beautiful now, her aura brighter than ever.  And as she leaned in the doorway and stared at me, I could see no trace of fear in her, just wonder and relief, and also a growing frustration.

“Are you all right?” I asked her, “Freya?”  Somehow I had to force myself to say her name, as if it were too precious to make real.

She clung to the door, and a scowl was coming to her face even as tears came to her eyes.  “You ask me that?” she asked.  “Are you all right?”  She looked past me for a moment at Brid, as if she did not trust my assessment of this.

“I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t recovering well,” I said, keeping my voice steady and level.  I couldn’t understand her emotions.

Brid was nodding.  “We cannot stay long,” she warned, “but he is doing well.”

Freya took a breath and walked into the room, coming to stand right in front of me.  For the very first time, she looked right up into my eyes, and I felt the shock of being seen.

“I can’t decide,” she said unsteadily, “whether I want to hug you or punch you right now.  And I can’t do either one and it’s driving me crazy.”  Her tears spilled over, and she covered her face.

Relief washed through me, and I went down to one knee so that I would be closer to her.  My wings curled around her, though I was careful not to let them pass through George or Kara.  “But I am well and truly here,” I murmured to her, “and I really am all right.”

Shaking her head, she reached out her hand and let it hover over the scar on my chest.  “I didn’t realize how bad it would look,” she said.  “Is it really okay?”

“All warriors will have their scars.  They mean that we have borne the darkness and survived.”  As I said this, I wrapped my hand gently around her scarred wrist, for now even though she couldn’t feel my touch, she could see what I meant to say.  “And I wear this one with pride,” I went on, opening my wings again, “because it is a mark of what you have done for me.”  I turned to include George and Kara in my thanks.  “All of you.  I would have died without your help.”

They were standing with their arms around one another, not just from warm emotions, I think.  But George recovered himself enough to smile at me.  “We’re just glad we could help.”

Kara, more practical, said, “So what happens now?  Have you caught Asoharith yet?”

“Kara,” Brid said sharply, “I told you that Asa’el does not have any news, and he is not to be a part of the hunt for some time.”

“Huh,” Kara said, unrepentant.  “So you are still looking for her.”

I stood, with some difficulty—the weight of the world and my long healing were making themselves felt.  “I believe that she is, but you mustn’t worry,” I told her.  “All three of you are guarded every moment.  And one blessing of what has happened must be that Asoharith believes herself triumphant.  She will not come back until the news reaches her of our survival, and that will take some time, since she will have had to go deep into hiding to evade us.”

Brid frowned at me.  “Have you been asking Inca for information?”

“Call it an educated guess,” I said to her, “which you have rather confirmed.”  I looked down at my friends, all vulnerable to Asoharith’s hate, which surely would be redoubled by her failure.  Abruptly I felt even weaker—I had failed to protect Freya, after all.  How could I now keep all of them safe?

They started, all of them, as I wavered, and Freya put up her hand.  “Hey, don’t do that,” she protested.  “Like you said, we don’t have to do this alone.”

“That’s right,” George said, coming closer himself.  “Freya has been telling us some of the ways that she’s helped you in the past.  And now we can see and talk to you directly, so it’ll be easier.”

“You just let me know when that bitch shows up,” Kara said, her eyes dark with warrior’s light.  “She is so gonna catch it from me.”

I looked at them, all three, the bonds of strength between them.  The secret has brought them still closer, and they are all strong.  And in that moment, even though they were all looking right at me, none of them were afraid.

“Thank you, my friends,” I murmured.  “You give me courage.”

“Which now must be put back into his healing,” Brid said.  “Come, Asa’el, we have already stayed longer than I wanted.”

George and Kara stepped back to let me say goodbye to Freya.  She gave me one more searching look, then she frowned.  “So when were you going to tell me that I was mispronouncing your name?”

I laughed.  “Because you aren’t.  Asa’el is the name I was given at my creation, but you gave me a new name because you remade me, so whatever you call me is my name.  I am proud to be your Ace, Freya.” 

She smiled then, and seeing it in close quarters has done me more good than I could have guessed.  I promised to be back again tomorrow, and the next day, and so I shall be.

And the day after that, I will get the news of the hunt, and take my place again among the ranks of their protectors.  Because Kara is correct: this fight is not over, and Asoharith will be back.  This time, I will not be such easy prey.