I apologize for my absence, but there has been little enough to report. My assignments continue in their usual way, content enough without my meddling. I have been occupied, then, in watching the world prepare for Christmas, their celebration of the Birth. It is strange and wonderful, how the world comes out in light, how the cold in the air is warmed with the smiles on people’s faces, and how they all scramble for things to buy and give away.
Pamela has continued to communicate with her stepfather, carefully and restrainedly. They are slowly rebuilding the camaraderie they once had, reviving old jokes and remembering past events. Not much has been said on the subject of their estrangement; Pamela mentioned it once, but William asked if they could delay talking about it until they could meet in person. She agreed, but they have not yet made such plans.
I have not rushed either of them, glad enough that the relationship is being revived. I consulted with Lubos, as he has had much more experience with aromantic love. He agrees with me, and says that it is not always necessary for painful history to be immediately discussed or dealt with. “Such things take time to heal, and sometimes are the better for being ignored,” he says. “If one is always picking and prodding, it will continue to hold meaning and pain, but given time and distance, it may seem not so important as it once was.”
I am grateful for his advice, as always. He tells me also that Freya is well, though I had not asked. I do admit, however, that I wanted to, that curiosity about her well-being was one of the reasons I contacted him, and not any of my other seniors. Lubos knew this, and he was amused at my attempts at denial.
“You should not feel the need to deceive me, Asa’el,” he said to me. “I know that you wish not to interfere again, but concern for one of my charges is not interference. Though you are restricted from seeing her, I am happy to tell you of her welfare.”
Her welfare, according to Lubos, is secure. She spent the recent holiday in her mother’s home, the two of them joined by some students at the university where Esther is a professor. Like Freya, Esther is deeply loving and concerned about the people around her, and when some of her students were unable to go home for the days when school was not in session, she invited them to her home. This is a long-established custom, and some of Freya’s longer friendships are with those students she met in her mother’s home, adopted members of the family.
Ryan was not at the large celebratory meal on Thanksgiving itself, but he joined the party the following day, where Esther made much of him. Freya was a bit embarrassed, says Lubos, but pleased that her mother approved of her choice. He is, it seems, the first man Freya has brought home to her mother in some time. For his part, Ryan was amused by Freya’s reaction, impressed by Esther, and impressive in his kindness to the shy students. It was this last, Lubos believes, that caused Freya to invite Ryan to return home with her after they left, and stay for a few days.
It is a milestone in which Lubos takes some pride—Freya has been avoiding physical intimacy for some months as a means of protecting herself. She is too passionate, too guided by her emotions, to be able to have sex with someone and have it mean nothing. I am glad that she feels safe enough with Ryan, that she has a family that is always growing, and that she is happy. Always, that she is happy.
I do wish that I could see her. I still agree with my seniors that my restriction is just, but I cannot deny that I would like to see my fire woman again.