We as angels are not often convicted of vanity or pride, but it does happen in our hearts. I have been shown today, beyond any doubt, that I do not always know what is best for my charges. And how could I? As I learned from Freya, the human soul is complex, reaching deeper than even we can read. And despite my advanced status, I am still very young, without the knowledge that experience can bring.
I thought that Pamela’s relationship with Lyle would be dangerous for her, that it would put her heart at risk while it is still tender from what she has been through in the past year. Even on seeing that she could be rational at the beginning, I worried that she would get caught, or that he would, and they would leave one another in pain and regret.
Today, however, is the day that Pamela leaves to return home, and she has no regrets, just as she said she would not.
She woke up this morning in her friends’ house and went out to breakfast with them, cheerful and grateful for everything they have done. Then she assembled all her things and was ready to go when Lyle knocked on the door.
“Hey, stranger,” Pamela said, kissing him.
“Hello, stranger,” he replied, smiling down at her.
They have made an endearment out of this word, and though it at first struck me as, well, strange, I have come to see that there is much behind it. The two are strangers, despite everything, and in that lies some of the appeal and excitement of the relationship.
“Ready to go?” he asked, bending to pick up her bags.
“One sec,” Pamela said and ran back to hug Alice one more time.
Lyle watched with a smile on his face, real affection in his heart. Though they agreed that nothing would come of the relationship, he has come to care for her. It is not in a way that will hurt them when they go, but it is something that has enriched their time together.
As he drove her to the airport, they talked about the many places they have gone together—how he went reluctantly with her to the Victoria and Albert Museum and ended up enjoying it more than she did; how he took her to his favorite pub and introduced her to his friends, and she out-drank them all; how they discovered a tiny park between two buildings and spent an afternoon talking about their families and their struggles. I heard all this with some disbelief, wondering how they could have done all of this without letting their hearts grow attached, but both have kept in mind the temporary nature of their relationship. Indeed, that has freed them to be more open and honest with one another than they might well have been otherwise.
“So,” Lyle said as he turned into the airport, “you gonna miss me?”
She glanced at him and snorted. “Not even a little bit.”
“Liar,” he said, though he did have a flash of doubt.
She put her hand on his. “No regrets, remember? Missing you would count. But I will think about you, and I will be glad it happened.” She put on her sunglasses and made a face at him. “Is that good enough?”
He laughed and agreed that it was. They parked at the terminal, and once again he carried her bags up to the curb for her. Then he kissed her—on the cheek—and stepped back. “You will message me when you get in?”
She nodded. “And you have my email and my facebook. Don’t disappear, okay?”
“I won’t,” he said. He grinned. “I want to hear all the fantastic stories you tell your friends about your British lover.”
She rolled her eyes and turned to go into the terminal. At the door, she took one look back to find him still standing there, and for a moment a bittersweet feeling of wonder swept over her, wordless, but just wondering…
But it was gone before I felt the need to move, and she waved and danced away to find her gate. In turn, Lyle went back to his car and drove home.
They’ve both been pensive, but there has been no hurt that I can see. Only warmth, and gratitude for so many lovely memories.
So I was wrong. Pamela was perfectly able to do as she said, to keep regret at bay and find only happiness in something that would not last. If I had had my own way, she would never have had such a sweet encounter, and she may have lost the chance at a good friend.
I am grateful that this ended so well, and more grateful that it has provided me with a chance to learn. There is such a thing as being too cautious, and so I will have more faith in the choices of my charges. After all, I am only there to guide, and to aid with the consequences once a decision is made. I must not be so afraid to protect my charges from their mistakes. May our King give me the strength and wisdom to do so with greater success.