There is a reason for everything that happens. There is a plan that guides the universe, and everything, from the smallest bird flying from one branch to another, to the largest star spinning in its slow dance away from the universe’s heart, has a part to play. Everything that is and everything that was and everything that ever will be is moving toward a single destination, and that place is good. I know this, and yet I have fallen into the habit of ignoring it, as humans do. Humans use the word “coincidence” as a mask for this omnipotent purpose. They use it as a way to laugh at the unimaginable, to explain the unknowable. I think, however, that in the end none of them really believes it.
I, too, am playing my part in this plan. Every person I have ever met, every assignment I have received has been for a reason. Recently I have been meditating on what those reasons are.
Sometimes I receive assignments because they are related to one another. Jonathan, for example, gave me invaluable insight to Mary’s case. His memories of the troubles he had as a teenager have been instrumental in understanding what she is going through right now. Thanks to his advice, I have been able to guide Mary toward less destructive ways to cope with her pain: journaling, music, even just spending time with her family. And even though I cannot speak to her, even the merest impression of someone who came through such a time, and came through it in success, as a capable, content adult, is healing for her.
Sometimes my assignments show me two different perspectives on the same problem. Though Pamela and Brooke are both now coping with temptation, they see the problem in two very different ways. Pamela stands on the outside of a relationship looking in at something she wants very badly. She can see that Daniel is not happy, and she knows, though she does not admit it to herself, that she could make him happy, and he her. But she knows also the resentment that is directed her way from Stephanie, and she does not like the role she would have to play if she were to give in to temptation. Meanwhile Brooke is in a relationship that makes her very happy, so happy that sometimes she is paralyzed with fear at the thought of losing it. What Erin offers, though unlooked-for, is easy and holds none of the fear that rises from Brooke’s self-doubt. It gives her comfort, and that is dangerous, because it may bring about the very result that Brooke fears most.
Sometimes my assignments help me to understand others. I have been working much in the past few days with Mary’s persecutors, trying to see why they do and say the things that they do, and what might be effective in making them stop. One thing I have learned is that all four of these girls have a certain level of selfishness that makes them blind to the suffering of others. They are not willfully unkind or cruel; it simply does not occur to them to think of others. And as I was realizing this, it followed that my newest charge, Shannon, might have some of the same emotion. She, like my young bullies, remains closed in on herself, paying heed only to what she wants and not what others may need.
Sometimes my assignments help me to understand human nature in general. Myrtle and Jaquinn, who went from physical desire to true affection, showed me that there is no certain order to love, while Pamela and Lyle taught me that uncommitted love is not always a bad thing.
But I think the most vital lesson my charges have taught me is how important it is to be one’s own person. I saw that with Lamarr and Tammy, as she had to find a way to bear her grief separate from her ties to Lamarr. I saw that with Ramona and Jesse, as Ramona chose not to connect herself to Jesse until he was secure in their relationship and not simply fearing that she would leave him. I saw that with Charlotte and Don, as she had to find her own place in his family, a place that could not be taken from her.
I, too, am my own person. Every one of the people I work with is changing me, making me stronger, shaping me into the soul I will be when I am born into the world to fight for myself. With Pamela I am fierce, while with Myrtle I exert a calming influence. I give reassurance and remembrance to Morgan and Brooke, while Shannon demands patience and pressure from me. Jonathan is teaching me to be more discerning, but with Mary I ask no questions, simply providing as much love as I can. Even those who are not my own—Hugh and Cordell and Theo and Cayce and Darron and Shawna and Maria and Diana and so many more, including of course Freya, my fire-woman—have left their mark on me. And though I cannot be certain what they are making me into, what I shall become, I do know that it will be good.