On this day for the celebration of love, I wish you warmth and happiness and companionship and trust. I wish you all brightness and beauty and euphoria and passion and everything that comes with pure, true love.
As ever, I went out with my sister and brother Cupids in force, washing the world in love. It was a beautiful experience, but it exhausted me, so I will not spend much time recounting it. There will be time in later days to look into the depth of today’s events.
Lauren and Jonathan had a lovely dinner together—they did not go out, as they did not wish to share one another with the crowds. Instead they met at Lauren’s apartment, where they made dinner together and ate it by candlelight. The only point of the evening that wasn’t washed with that soft glow was the point at which Lauren brought up the school board position to Jonathan.
He had been just about to put a strawberry into his mouth, but he lowered it to his plate again, and his smile disappeared. “I don’t want to talk about that tonight,” he said.
Lauren wanted to protest, but I saw that Jonathan was serious, so I spread a wing over her, and she held herself back. “May I ask why not?” she asked gently.
In turn, I did what I could to show Jonathan that this was not pressing, but simple curiosity and wishing to understand his thoughts. Some of his guard slipped, and suddenly I could see that it was fear and uncertainty that held him back.
He spun his wineglass slowly between his finger and thumb. “I don’t want to do it if I don’t think I could do a good job,” he said.
“But I know you would be wonderful at it, Jonathan,” Lauren said, reaching out to cover his hand with hers.
He smiled at her. “Thanks, but if I don’t believe it… Those kids deserve someone who’s confident they can do a good job.”
This was the end of the conversation, but both Lauren and I have resolved to convince Jonathan that he would be excellent in this position. Between the two of us, I am sure we can show him the truth. Perhaps this is even the reason that I was assigned to him—to give him the opportunity to make a difference in students’ lives. We shall see.
Pamela, with no one to celebrate with, had a “Galentines’” party, inviting all her girlfriends over to her house in their pajamas. They drank wine, ate chocolates, and played games, which ended in many of them being quite intoxicated, to the point that I was relieved it was a sleepover. They talked about men, not always in scathing tones, and celebrated one another and seemed to have a wonderful time.
For Mary it was harder. She is at an age where romance is yet another measurement of status, and she looked at all of the decorations and the flowers exchanged by her peers with resentment. That is, of course, until she met with her friends after school. Aaron had folded paper flowers for all three of the girls, while Nadia had stuffed animals for them all and Natalie informed them that they would all be going to the store the next day to take advantage of the chocolate on sale. Mary’s spirits lifted further when she had a long conversation on their website with several people who had similar pains associated with this day.
Loneliness is hard, but even harder on a day that celebrates togetherness. I did my best to tell her that her solitude was not a mistake or a fault in her, simply the lack of potential partners in her life. But it may not be a bad idea to find a partner for her—not a permanent one, of course, she is not ready, but someone to begin to learn with her what love really means. I will have to think more about this.
Shannon was angry when Thomas didn’t take her out, and when he arrived in the evening, she was even more upset that he didn’t bring her flowers. They had a flaming argument, but somewhat to my surprise, the argument dissolved into a genuine conversation about their shared beliefs that the holiday has become overly marketed and too concerned with buying things. It was the first serious conversation I believe that they have ever had, and both of them had some good points. I am not sure it means that their relationship will become healthier over time, but it was the first hope for that result that I have seen.
Finally, my newest charges, Grace and Con, intended to go out, but they too got sidetracked by a serious conversation. While Con was putting on his coat, Grace asked him timidly, “Con, are you sure you want to marry me?”
He blinked at her. “What? Of course I am!”
She looked at him with worried eyes. “Because it really seems to me that you’re holding back.”
He opened his mouth to protest, but I whispered to him that now was the time to be honest. For a moment hot fear held him upright. Then he looked at Grace, her strong hands twisted in front of her and nothing but love and concern in her eyes, and he sighed, his shoulders slumping.
“You’re right,” he said, letting his arms slip out of his coat again. “You’re right. I’m sorry, Gracie, I just…I know I want to be with you, but…”
She, too, took off her coat and led him by the hand to the sofa. She sat down with him, holding onto his hands, and she said, “What is it that scares you?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “Just—it seems so final, you know?”
“Final?” she repeated, and there was hurt in her voice.
“Not final, that was a poor choice of word,” he said hastily. “It’s just—” He hung his head, confused and upset and knowing that his words must be hurting her.
I did what I could to sort through his emotions, and fed him what words I found. “I love you,” he began, which was a good place to start, I thought. “I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But standing in front of everyone we know and love, making a vow—that’s big. What if I mess it up? What if something changes in thirty years and we start hating each other?”
“Do you really think that’s possible?” Grace asked.
“I don’t know! That’s my point,” he said, looking up at her. “This world is crazy, Grace. It’s so crazy and it’s cruel and it tears apart love. And if I make a promise I’m going to keep it, but—what if we’re different people in ten years or twenty or fifty? What if I change somehow and you don’t like it, or—”
“Then we change together,” Grace said. “I’ll become whatever you need me to be.”
He rested his hand on her cheek. “I don’t want you to change, Gracie,” he whispered. “I want you to stay just the way you are.”
She looked at him with a sad smile. “But I won’t,” she said. “That’s the one thing you can count on, Con—that things change.”
He sighed, shaking his head. “Death and taxes, huh?” he said ruefully, which I did not quite understand, but it made Grace chuckle.
She took hold of both his hands and held them tightly. “Look, our feelings for each other will change. They’ll get weaker in some areas and stronger in others. And you and I will change. We’ll become harder or sharper or sadder or stronger—maybe all that in one year, and then back the next. But what marriage is, Con, is deciding that we’re going to do all that together. We’re going to have to work on it, but I’m willing to do that if it means I get to be with you forever. Are you willing to do it for me?”
Con stared into her eyes. He understands hard work, and he knows that what takes hard work to accomplish is usually worth the effort. His fear ebbed away, and he leaned in to kiss her. “Yes, baby,” he said. “I am.”
Suddenly energized, he got to his feet. “Let’s not go out tonight,” he said. “Let’s get caught up on our wedding plans. We’re behind because of me, so let’s make up some lost time.”
She beamed up at him. “You’re sure?”
“Yeah!” he said. “What still needs doing? You got the invitations out, right? We still need to find a place to live after the wedding—and have we nailed down a photographer yet?”
So their evening went on in excitement and joy, and I left them in happy planning. I am not certain that Con’s fears will not come back, but Grace’s eyes are open to them now, and she can keep talking to him. They will be able to communicate honestly, and that is an excellent start.
I am pleased with the way this evening has gone. I am pleased that love fills the world, and that with every passing year, it gains in strength even if only the smallest increment. Day by day, we are winning the Long Battle, and it is so good.