So this evening has been educational.
Gabrielle got a message from her mother as she was leaving class together, inviting her to join them for dinner. She thought about it for a while—which in itself is notable for this particular woman—and then decided to accept the invitation. I was not invited, of course, but I went along, wanting to learn more about her family.
It was not just Gabrielle’s parents who were at the house when she drew up. Her uncle and her cousin were out in the front yard tossing a ball back and forth with her father. Gabrielle jumped out of her car, ran across the yard, and snatched the ball out of the air, taking off down the street.
“Hey, no fair!” Her cousin, Ashley, a gangly teenager with Gabrielle’s long black hair, chased after her while the two men laughed.
“No fair was starting the game without me!” Gabrielle said, and she turned and tackled her young cousin. I was alarmed for a moment, but the two rolled onto grass rather than the more unforgiving sidewalk. Inca would have been very displeased with me if our charge had cracked her skull on my watch!
Gabrielle’s uncle came over to disentangle the girls. “Gabby, you’re the one with the ball, she’s supposed to tackle you,” he explained.
“But the tackling is my favorite part, Uncle Brett,” she complained.
“So I remember,” he groaned theatrically, whereupon she nearly tackled him with a hug. “Hey, kiddo. Grad school killing you yet?”
It was her turn to groan. She wilted, letting him take all of her weight. “I’m not just dead, I’m undead. I don’t know how I’m going to get through a whole two more years.”
“With smarts, stubbornness, and a whole hell of a lot of coffee,” Brent laughed. “That’s how Kayla did it.”
Gabrielle stood up straight. “Is she here?”
“Inside with your mom,” Brent said. “Gimme that ball back before you go.”
Instead, Gabrielle tossed the ball to Ashley and started for the house, scooping up her bag as she went.
“Hey,” her father protested. “I don’t get a hug?”
It’s interesting—though Gabrielle immediately changed direction and jumped into her father’s arms, I could sense that she has an easier relationship with her uncle than with him. I wondered whether that was simply because there is less weight on the connection with her uncle—an uncle can be a friend, while a father will always be more. But having seen how the rest of the evening played out, I know that there is more to it than that.
Disengaging with her father after a moment, Gabrielle went inside to greet her mother and her aunt. Ellie was frying chicken while her sister-in-law mashed potatoes, but both paused long enough to greet Gabrielle. Gabrielle settled on a stool and started peppering her aunt with questions about graduate school, and the conversation was rolling along when Brent, Gary, and Ashley came inside, dropping the ball on the porch as they came.
“You all wash up, now, it’s almost ready,” Ellie called to them. “Gabby, you come set the table.”
Gabrielle groaned and grumbled, but she did as she was told. The food made quite a fine spread when it was all laid out—it amazes me, sometimes, what people can produce, and on no special occasion. Although, as the whole family joined hands to say grace, I was beginning to realize that to this family, every time they come together is a special occasion. “Traditional” was a good word for Nick to use.
“How’s Nick doing, Gabby?” Gary asked as the food was being shared around. “Should have brought him along.”
“I might have, except he’s almost two hours away, Daddy.” She rolled her eyes at Ashley, who smiled.
“That one’s a keeper right there,” Gary said. “When’s he going to be back in town next?”
“I don’t know,” Gabrielle said. “Sometime soon. I went to see him this past weekend—I told you that, didn’t I, Mama?”
“Sure. Skipped a day of work to do it, too, didn’t you?”
“Ah, Ellie, everybody needs a break from work now and again,” Gary said.
“You need one any day that looks like a good fishing day,” Brent teased his brother.
“And you take one whenever it’s nice on the golf course,” Gary retorted.
“Nah, that would be every day. It never rains on the golf course.” Brent winked at his wife, who was smiling even as she shook her head.
“He’ll be done in a year, right?” Gary asked, returning to his favorite subject. “What are y’all’s plans after that?”
“You know me better than that, Daddy,” Gabrielle said. “Plans? I don’t have any, ever.” But something was tightening in her stomach. I drew closer to her and put one wing around her shoulders. Was she nervous about the idea of commitment? It seemed so, but why? I do not think it is because of Nick himself—she does love him. Is it simply her father’s pressure that she does not like?
“Gotta have some plans, kiddo. You’re planning on finishing school, I know, but then what?”
“Hopefully a job,” Gabrielle said and made a face, crossing her fingers.
“You’ll find something,” Kayla assured her. “Or something will find you. It may be a rough market, but you’re the kind of person who always comes up on her feet.”
“And you’re specializing enough that there will be employers looking for you, you mark my words,” Brent added.
By this point Gary had caught his wife’s eye, so he allowed the conversation to turn to Ashley and her siblings, two of whom are in grad school themselves. But Gary is not one who likes to go unheard, and so later, when most of the chicken had been reduced to bones and Brent was serving himself a third portion of mashed potatoes, Gary asked, “Gabby, did you know your friend Sarah Lewis is pregnant again?”
The spring that had loosened in Gabrielle’s gut began to tighten again. “Yeah? That’s great.”
“Two kids already,” Gary said, shaking his head. “David Lewis won’t shut up about it. Keeps asking me when I’m going to have some grandkids of my own.”
“Well, I keep trying to steal one,” Gabrielle laughed, “but for some reason most of my friends want to keep their babies. Go figure.”
The others around the table laughed, but Gary studied his daughter. There was something in his stomach, too, a fear that I could not identify, but it seemed to make him angry. “You’re not going to be young forever, kiddo,” he said.
“Could’ve fooled me,” Gabrielle said. Her voice was still light, but her chin was coming up.
“Come on, now, Gary, leave her alone,” Brent said. “Kids these days are waiting longer and longer to set themselves up, and for most of them it’s better that way. Way too many of them are rushing into things and then splitting up in a year or two.”
“I agree,” Ellie said. “There’s not enough respect for the institution of marriage these days. You wait as long as you need to, Gabby.”
Gabrielle didn’t answer. She got up and started collecting the plates.
It was over dessert—cherry pie with ice cream—that the critical moment came. The family was talking about Ashley’s plans, for when she graduates high school at the end of the year. “I want to go into teaching, maybe special ed,” she said. She looked at Gabrielle. “One of your friends is doing that, right? Does she like it?”
Such an innocent question, to have such a reaction. Gabrielle went pale, and her father went red. Ellie put her fork down, and Kayla and Brent exchanged glances.
“What’s her name?” Ashley asked, oblivious to the turmoil her words had caused. “Erica, right?”
At that name, Gabrielle’s heart gave a great leap. And quite suddenly, I understood. Her reluctance with Nick, despite their closeness, and her father’s pushing and his fears. A traditional man, indeed.
The silence was stretching out. Gabrielle poked her fork into her pie, though she was no longer hungry for it. “Yeah,” she said to Ashley. “Yeah, she likes it a lot. I haven’t talked to her for a while, but…”
At that, her heart twisted in pain, and another piece of this puzzle fell into place. A one-sided romance is not the easiest way to open oneself to a new identity. With that hurt, as well as her father’s disapproval, I can see why Gabrielle might want to hide her true wishes.
How heartbreaking, though, to have to put aside a part of yourself in order to keep the rest. It seems even more so, when the joy of Morgan and Brooke’s wedding is so fresh in my mind. Gabrielle may never have that kind of happiness.
It was Brent who stepped in to smooth over the awkward moment, asking Ashley about her midterms, a subject on which she had plenty to say. There was no more mention of Erica for the rest of the meal, and when Gabrielle got up to leave, her mother kissed her with no hesitation or uncertainty.
Gary had not forgotten the moment so easily. “Bring Nick with you next time,” he said when she stopped by his chair, and it was almost a command.
“I will,” Gabrielle said, looking into her father’s face. “He’d like that, I know it.” Her agreement was a peace offering, though it had a wistful edge on it that Gary did not hear.
Some of Gary’s sternness softened. “Aw, kiddo,” he said, and he reached up to touch her face. “I love you buckets, you know that, right?”
She nodded and bent to put her arms around his neck, and I could see clear as day in her aura how much she loves him. If she didn’t, his disapproval would not hurt her so much. “I know. I love you gallons, Daddy.”
He hugged her back, then cleared his throat and let her go. “Go on, now. Drive safe.”
How strange the human heart, that a parent can love a child so clearly, and yet be unwilling to let her be herself.
I went out to Gabrielle’s car with her, where she stopped by the door to look up at the sky. The stars were beginning to appear. I washed her with warmth and acceptance, whispering to her, “They are for you.”
That thought made her smile, and she blew the stars a kiss as she climbed into the driver’s seat. “Damn right they are,” she murmured, starting the engine.