It was Scott, I believe, who wrote about the tangled webs humans weave with one another. There would be so much less hurt and confusion in the ways of love if people could just be honest about their feelings and desires. But honesty is one of the hardest things to give someone else, especially if that honesty will lead to pain for them or for oneself.
Elaine stayed over at Ted’s house this weekend, and this morning he sat her down at the table to give her a bit of honesty—but just a bit. “I feel like I should tell you this before we go much further,” he said, holding her hand.
She looked wary at that. “Okay.”
He took a breath and let it out. “Truth is, Elaine—I’m bisexual.”
She blinked. “Oh.” Is that all? her tone implied. “Okay.”
He studied her face for more signs of a reaction, but there wasn’t much there. “That’s okay with you?”
“I mean, it’s interesting,” she said. “And I’m glad you told me. But of course it doesn’t bother me.”
He could see that she was telling the truth, even without my help, and he began to feel a bit silly for worrying as much as he had been. “Good. I just—it’s a big part of my life, and I want you to know about it.”
That made her smile. “I’m glad.” Then her smile widened, taking on a teasing edge. “Does this mean we can share celebrity crushes?”
He laughed, surprised but pleased. “Well, now I’ll be offended if we don’t.”
So they passed an agreeable morning looking through magazines and choosing their favorite photos, and Elaine’s heart was easy. But Ted still had a shadow in his, for he had a reason he wanted to tell Elaine about this. His most recent conversation with Cole, however, threw another tangle into his heart, causing him to hide the full truth.
They were talking yesterday, comparing all-too-demanding clients and laughing over things that had frustrated them earlier in the week. I was watching and listening closely, and it seemed to me that Ted was growing all the more attached, though he himself did not seem to realize it.
Ted filled Cole in on his plans with Elaine, and then asked what Cole’s plans for the weekend were.
Cole hesitated, and when he spoke his voice was warmer. “Well, it will surprise the hell out of you, but I actually have a date.”
And suddenly Ted’s denial fell away, for his heart sank immediately. The surprise of this realization made it hard for him to speak for a moment, but when he did, he managed to keep the strain out of his voice. “Really? That doesn’t surprise me as much as you might think. Who’s the lucky SOB?”
Cole laughed and began to tell Cole all about Ian, how they had run into each other on the train and gotten to talking. His voice had all the heat and softness of new attraction in it, and as Ted listened, all he could think about was whether it had hurt Cole this much to listen to him talk about Elaine. I put my wing around him, offering what comfort I could.
It really was bad timing. I was intending to have Ted and Elaine really talk through their relationship this weekend, to gauge the hope for happiness that they have; if the odds seemed unfavorable, I thought to tell Ted to give Cole a chance. Now, however, there seems little point. Ted was not willing to speak his own feelings and potentially spoil Cole’s joy in a new relationship. Nor does he want to hurt Elaine. But his eyes are opened now, and he cannot go back to not knowing what his heart wants.
Perhaps I should have encouraged him to be honest before now, but it is hard when one does not even know what the truth is. Perhaps sometimes these tangled webs weave themselves. So we will go on as we have, and I will do my best to straighten the threads and bring happiness to all. Almost always, what is turns out better than what might have been, simply because it is real and good rather than a dream.