There is no news for me, but there has been a development between Elaine and Ted. Over the past few days I have watched Elaine turn over in her mind what she overheard. She has paid more attention to Ted, and while she has found nothing to worry her about the way he is with her, she also noticed that whenever he mentions Cole, his voice goes softer. This stings her, and she has been trying to think of what to say. Today, she found her answer.
It was a date night, and the two of them were meeting in Elaine’s area for once, trying out a restaurant that has recently opened. They had a pleasant evening at first, but Elaine was not quite at ease, and I called Ted’s attention to this.
Setting down his beer, Ted leaned forward. “Elaine, is something wrong?” he asked.
Elaine’s first instinct was to deny, but I set my wings behind her shoulders, giving her courage. She sighed. “Well, yes. I feel stupid for asking about it, but…I mean, I really shouldn’t press, I’m too old for silly jealousy, but…” She took a deep breath and looked Ted in the eye. “I overheard you talking with your friend Cole the other day, and…I don’t know, it seemed weird to me somehow.”
“Weird?” Ted repeated. His guard was up now, and he kept close control over his expression.
“The way you talked to him,” Elaine explained. Her hands spread, then lowered to rest on the table, and then she pulled them back into her lap. “It was very…intimate,” she decided finally.
Ted could not deny this. “He’s a good friend.”
“And is that all he is?” Elaine asked.
Ted began to turn his knife in circles on the table. “Are you accusing me of something?”
“No, of course not!” Elaine said, holding up her hands, and I made certain that Ted saw that she was in earnest. “Ted, I know you wouldn’t—you’re a good guy, a faithful guy, and you don’t know how much I appreciate that.” She laid her hand on his, urging him to believe her.
He turned his hand over so he could close his fingers around hers. They smiled at one another.
Then Elaine looked away. “I just want to know…if you have feelings for someone else, I want to know now, before I get hurt.”
The vulnerability in her voice and her face warmed his heart, and he held her hand tighter. “Cole has a boyfriend, Elaine. And even if he didn’t, he lives several hours away and is just as comfortable where he is as I am here. It wouldn’t work.”
“That isn’t a denial.” Elaine pulled her hand gently out of Ted’s.
He sighed. “No, it isn’t.” He lifted his glass and took a swallow, seeking courage. What he didn’t find in the alcohol, I gave to him, and he was able to meet Elaine’s gaze again. “I was with Cole, once,” he admitted, “but it was just a one-time thing. Getting back in touch with him after that—well, it was dumb. And maybe I am more attached to him than I should be. But I’m with you.” He held out his hand again. “I’m with you, and I’m going to stay with you.”
Elaine did not give him her hand. “I hate to do this,” she said slowly, staring at the tablecloth. “But—at least for a while—could you not be in touch with him? It’s not that I don’t trust you, I just…” She trailed off miserably, shaking her head.
Ted was torn. He did not like the thought of breaking things off with Cole—but at the same time, he could see how unhappy Elaine was.
“I’m not giving you an ultimatum, or anything,” Elaine said, trying to laugh. “If you say that you’re loyal to me, then I believe you. I just…” Now she did reach out, touching his fingertips very gently. “I have a feeling that this is so important, you and me, at least so important for my life. The thought of losing it scares me. I just want to feel safe.”
It was a fair request, an honest and simple desire. I could have told her, however, that love is not safe. There is always risk—of rejection, of loss, of betrayal. Not even I could guess all the dangers that come with love.
It is worth it, of course.
Ted agreed with me that her request was fair. He nodded to himself. “I’ll call him tonight and let him know,” he said. “We’ll cool it, at least for a little while. I know he’ll understand.”
The relief that washed through Elaine was deep and real, and she gave Ted a grateful smile. I noticed, however, that Ted had not said he would abandon Cole forever. And though he had every intention of talking to Cole today, he lost courage by the end of the night and did not make the call.
Perhaps that is for the best—they are good friends, if nothing else. But Ted cannot be forever hovering between the two, for that is no way to build a relationship. If only I could be certain which option is better for his heart and his future! If only he could be sure.
This will take some thought, on his part and on mine. The time is not long in coming that a choice must be made, and the consequences of that choice accepted as fact.