I cannot help but be frustrated. I have asked Danit more than once now to assist me in finding new charges, and more specifically to allow me to follow some of my own ideas, but she has continued to resist me.
“I have no objection to you taking on the young woman you spoke of,” she told me today. “Anna Winthrop is her name, yes? Though I have looked into her case and I believe it will not be enough of a challenge for you.”
“Then let me seek out other challenges,” I pleaded with her. “Brid has the time to take on another charge, as does Inca. And there are others of my brothers and sisters who have expressed interest in working with me—I frequently receive advice from my friend Bayaer, and Sabasa said to me just the other day that inspiration and romance might work well together.”
Danit’s smile disappeared. “Asa’el, I have told you my feelings on this.”
“I know, and I apologize if I appear defiant,” I said, trying to be apologetic. I do not think I did very well in the attempt. “But how am I to let love guide me if I cannot follow what I love?”
At that her look softened, and for a moment I thought she would relent. But she only said that we would revisit the topic after the celebration of the Birth, and left me without another word.
I do not want to wait. I know that there are those who need me now, and I know that there is so much more that I could learn. I want to use every day that I am given on Earth to the fullest potential, and I don’t ever want anyone to suffer who could have been helped by my presence and my love. After all, if I can help them and I do not, is not whatever they suffer partly my own fault?