In the past few days I have been coming around to the idea of leaving Gabrielle and Christina to their own devices. Between Hatsumi, Danit, and Brid, I have come to see it less as a surrender and more as an opportunity to give myself some space to breathe. Still, I had to check in with them, just to be sure. I joined them in the narrow window they had together this afternoon—half an hour between Gabrielle getting off work…
I spent most of my day with Freya today. It has been a while since I saw her—in fact, I haven’t visited her for more than a moment since Shannon died. Hatsumi realized this a few days ago and asked me why I have been avoiding her. It was difficult to admit the truth—that having seen similarities between Freya and Shannon, I feel guilty visiting the one when the other is so far beyond my reach. Hatsumi had a different…
Too much of a good thing is a bad thing. Balance is most important, and I have forgotten that. In the past days, I felt a bit more energy, and so I threw myself into my work, primarily with Allen and Megan—drawing Allen closer to her, keeping her in his thoughts and encouraging him to reach out to him. I’m grateful that she had the wisdom that I have not had in the past few weeks. “Okay, what the hell…
I went to talk to Inca today about Gabrielle. Apparently Danit has already spoken to Eburnean, who agrees with her that I need less on my shoulders just now. Inca, however, will stay on as Gabrielle’s Guardian. “Well,” I said, “at least she will not be completely abandoned.” “Stop that now,” Inca said sternly, startling me. “You are not abandoning her. You are caring for yourself, which is not only permitted, it is wise. And if you have the opportunity…
I came back from checking in with Allen and Lewis today to meet Danit, who seemed to be waiting for me. She smiled. I greeted her, and we talked lightly for a while, though I could tell that there was something on her mind. Finally she came to the point. “Asa’el, I have been thinking,” she said. I was right to find these words ominous. “I wonder if it is not time for Gabrielle to be taken from your case…
I don’t understand my own heart sometimes. Mostly recently. Good things happening is supposed to make me happy, but I just feel numb and heavy. When will this feeling go away? At any other point, I would have considered today a success, even a triumph. For the first time since her announcement, Gabrielle met with her family today—not only that, but she introduced Christina to them! And it went far better than I could have hoped. It was Ellie’s birthday,…
Well, it took quite a bit of work, and likely more than it would have if I had been at my best, but I managed to convince Hannah to meet with Jack and talk to him. His anger about their disagreement faded days ago, and he has been reaching out to Hannah ever since, but she had not quite recovered from the hurt of the argument, and some of her father’s stubbornness in her kept her from replying. It has…
Today I had just returned from a visit with Lewis—I tried and failed to get him to call Sarah, but I have hope that he will do it tomorrow—when Zezette and Danit met me, accompanied by an angel I did not recognize. Her hair was a sheet of black like a veil, and she had such kind eyes that I could not look into them for long. “How are you, Asa’el?” Zezette asked. I only bowed. It is getting harder…
I only spent a few hours on Earth today, less than half the time that I used to, and yet I feel so exhausted. Where has all of my energy gone? Have not my brothers and sisters defined me by my energy and passion? I feel none of that now. It took all that I had simply to persuade Allen to take a break from his work to spend an evening with Megan. I felt as if I were crying…
Brid thinks that I should take more time. I would think that she is overly concerned about me, but Zaman, Zezette, and Orison all agree with her. Zaman says that the shock and pain of the loss have weakened me, that I need rest to recover. Zezette has been so kind to forgive my transgression in the face of my grief, and she assures me that my charges are in capable hands—Nozomi, Lubos, Adnar’el, and Nehisi have all given of…