Over the past few days, Lewis has begun to feel more like himself. He is on antidepressants now, and they are working wonders for him—Brid is very pleased. In light of this, she and I have been trying to persuade Lewis to get out a bit more. It has been a comfort to him that his friends have not forgotten him: Sarah will still text him at least once a day, and Eric stopped by twice to check in on him.
Yesterday Drew issued him a special invitation to come over for a game night tonight. He promised that it would be a small group—just he and Jo, Eric, and Sarah. Still, Lewis was hesitant. It took both Brid and I all day today to convince him to go.
He arrived late—through the window he could see the others already at the table, and he very nearly turned around and left again.
“No,” I said, standing in his way. “You can’t always be alone, Lewis. And they want to see you, trust me.”
He sighed and turned back to knock on the door.
Even from the front steps, I could feel the spike of Sarah’s aura. She leaped up from the table, ran to the door, and threw her arms around Lewis the moment it was open. Her breath went out of her in a great rush, and she clung to him. “You came,” she whispered.
Lewis stood very still, shocked by this greeting.
“You see?” I said, unable to restrain a tiny bit of smugness. “Now hug her back, please.”
Numbly he put his arms around her, and Sarah sighed. His grip tightened.
“Look who it is,” Eric called from the table.
His voice startled the two apart, and Sarah let her arms fall. She didn’t look away from Lewis, though. “Sorry to jump you,” she said. “But I—I’ve been really worried about you.” She scowled. “Dope. Why haven’t you called me?”
Lewis didn’t know how to explain that the uncertainty between them, their undefined relationship, had seemed like a weight he just couldn’t carry. So instead he just said, “I’m sorry.”
It was enough for Sarah. Her scowl faded, and she gave him her hand. Lewis followed her back to the table where the game was laid out, wondering how it could be that the uncertainty was no longer there at all.
The friendly greetings of Jo and Drew, and the tiny logistics of pulling up a chair and fetching a drink and a snack, all served to calm Lewis down. Then he watched as the other four finished the round of the game they had been playing when he arrived, enjoying just listening to their bantering and their laughter. He sat next to Sarah, and there was a charge between them, which kept her on the edge of her seat and kept him from meeting her eyes. They weren’t quite sure what was different, but I was—the way she had greeted him had erased all of his doubts about her feelings for him. He knows now that she cares, and however hard it has been for him to believe, he cannot deny it anymore.
For someone who has been fighting his way out of shadow alone for weeks, the knowledge of someone else’s concern is overwhelming.
When the first game was finished, they started another, dealing Lewis in this time. “So how’ve you been, man?” Eric asked, flicking cards across the table.
The others went quiet—they understood that this was not a simple question, however lightly phrased. Lewis knew it too, but somehow this question, which he had been dreading, did not seem so horrible anymore. “You know, just getting through it all,” he said. He glanced at his cards, then set them face-down on the table. “I’m sorry I’ve been kind of out of touch lately.” He looked particularly at Sarah. “It’s just—sometimes, however much I may want to talk to someone, I just don’t have the energy to face it. Some days it’s all I can do to get out of bed and get to work.”
Eric nodded; he has felt the same. The others have not, but they listened closely, wanting to understand.
Lewis smiled ruefully, tapping his fingers against his beer glass. “It’s tough, because I know sometimes it would make me feel better to talk to someone,” he went on. “But just thinking about it exhausts me. It’s only been the past couple of days that I felt like I could handle more than just the bare minimum, you know?” He shook his head. “So I’m not trying to be a jerk by not talking to any of you. I just…I don’t know, I was doing what I could.”
“Hey, it’s cool, man,” Eric said.
Drew nodded. “Well, we’ll keep inviting you, and if you say no, we’ll know why.”
“No hard feelings,” Jo agreed, smiling at him. “Although I am going to make you dinner sometime before Christmas.”
Lewis laughed. “Think I can handle that.” He cleared his throat. “So what have you all been up to?”
The rest of the evening passed without incident—they shared news, catching Lewis up on all the gossip, and laughed together over snacks and beer. Lewis didn’t stay much longer than two games, but by the time he bowed out, he was very glad he had come.
Sarah walked him out, her hand in his. “So you’re doing better now, right?” she asked as they went down the walk together. “You’re in a better place than you were?”
He glanced down at her hand in his, at her worried frown. “Yeah,” he said. “I think I am. And I think…” He stopped and turned her so that he could see her face. “I think I’d like to take you out to dinner sometime.”
The worry became a bright smile. “Really?”
“Yeah. Might take me a while, but…” He ran his fingers gently down her cheek. “You deserve that.”
Sighing, she stepped into his arms. “Maybe I could make you dinner sometime instead.”
Lewis shook his head, marveling. “I don’t deserve you,” he murmured.
Both Sarah and I protested that immediately, Sarah with a swift punch to Lewis’s chest.
He laughed. “Okay, let me rephrase—I’m a lucky son of a bitch to have a woman like you in my corner.”
“Better,” Sarah agreed. She took his face in her hands and drew it down gently so she could kiss him. “So please don’t shut me out anymore?” she whispered.
He saw the tears in her eyes, and his throat tightened. “No, ma’am,” he said hoarsely.
I don’t think he will, either. It’s a comfort to me to know that he will not be alone anymore. There is still a long road ahead, and I will have to make sure that he does not lean too hard on Sarah. His healing will only last if it comes from himself, no one else. But I now have hope that a better time is coming to him now.