Love Over Pride

Hannah was off of work today, but I wasn’t certain that this was wise.  It only gave her plenty of time to be anxious, and anxiety tends to make her prickly.

“Lily, did you actually comb your hair or did you just wave the brush at it?” she demanded, with twenty minutes to go before dinner.  “Run back upstairs and try again, please.”

Lily groaned but obeyed.  Jack, who was stirring a bubbling pot, at least waited until Lily was out of earshot to say, “Her hair looked okay to me.”

“You didn’t even look at it.”

“She’s ten years old, her hair is allowed to be a mess.”

“Trust me, Jack, if she doesn’t get into the habit of brushing it, it’s going to get so tangled—”

Jack turned around and caught her hands.  “I know this is coming from a good place,” he whispered, “but you need to relax.  It’s just your dad.”

“My dad is not ‘just’ anything,” Hannah said, but she let her head rest on Jack’s shoulder.  “I wish you hadn’t invited him.”

“He’s your father.  And if he’s a part of your life, then he’s going to be a part of our lives, too, and I want to know him.”

Hannah still looked uncertain, so I leaned over her shoulder.  “If something in the body is wrong, you correct it,” I whispered to her.  “Why then would you not do so with your heart?”

Lily came running back down the stairs again.  “There, is that better?” she asked, a bit petulant still.

Hannah turned to her and felt a stab of guilt for letting her worries overflow onto Lily.  She bent and kissed Lily’s cheek.  “Yes, you look lovely.”

Lily sighed with relief.  “So what is your dad like?” she asked, taking a seat at the kitchen table.  “Is he nice?”

Hannah was uncertain how to answer this question.

“You’ll just have to see for yourself when you meet him,” Jack supplied, turning back to the stove.  “Could you fill up the water glasses for us?”

Jumping up, Lily grabbed two glasses and went to the fridge.  “What do I call him?”

“Dr. Valdez,” Hannah answered.

Lily frowned at her.  “But you’re Dr. Valdez.  That’s confusing.”

“Well, you call me Hannah now, so that’s fine.”

“Can I call him Grandpa?” Lily asked, looking at Jack.

Hannah stiffened.  Jack glanced at her and then said to Lily, “I don’t think that’s a good idea right now, kiddo.  Give it some time, okay?  You still don’t know him very well.”

Lily turned back to her task, carrying the full glasses carefully back to the table.  “But I’d like to have a grandpa,” she said frankly.

Into the silence that followed this statement, there was a knock on the door.

“Right on time as always,” Hannah said, turning to answer the door.

Lily, however, was already running down the hall, and she threw the door open before Hannah had even made it out of the kitchen.  “Hello, Dr. Valdez!” she said.  “I’m Lily.  You’re not wearing a white jacket.  Don’t all doctors have to wear a white jacket?”

Ramiro blinked down at her.  He was wearing a pea-green sport coat and slacks, and carrying a bottle of wine.  Both Hannah and I could see that the question, as well as the childish exuberance, bewildered him.

“Lily, you know that doctors don’t always wear the white coat,” Hannah said, setting a hand on Lily’s shoulder.  Suddenly she felt assured in herself, and perhaps a bit compassionate for the anxiety she could see on her father’s face.  “Hello, Dad.  Come on in.”

“Hannah,” Ramiro said, clearing his throat.  He stepped into the house and kissed her cheek.

“Why do doctors wear white coats anyway?” Lily asked, looking from Hannah to Ramiro.  “It seems kind of silly when they work with people who are bleeding or puking or peeing on them.”

“You know, you’re right,” Hannah said.  “But you remember most of the time if a doctor is really working with patients they wear scrubs instead.”

“So what are the white coats for?”

“I’m not sure.”  Hannah looked at her father, still standing bemused in the hall with them.  “Do you know, Dad?”

As Lily turned her eyes up to Ramiro, I got a glimpse into his spirit that made me understand him much better.  It was clear to me as the uncertainty rushed through him that he hasn’t the first idea how to talk to children.  So I left Hannah’s side—she had Lily, after all—and went to stand close to him.

Somewhat to my surprise, he accepted my suggestion without hesitation—he must have been very nervous.  “Well, you’re right, Lily,” he said, not quite looking at her.  “Doctors used to wear black all the time.  But once we learned about how sickness is caused by germs, it became important for people to see doctors as clean and presentable.  That’s what the white coat shows: that people can trust us to take care of them.”

Lily nodded.  “That’s cool.  You sure know a lot.”

Hannah put an arm around Lily’s shoulders.  “He should.  He’s been a doctor for a long time.”  Leaning down a bit, she stage-whispered, “A looooonnngg time.”

Ramiro scowled at his daughter.  “You calling me old, Hannah?”

Normally Hannah would be intimidated by her father’s disapproval, but this time she was shielded by Lily’s grin.  “Well, am I wrong?” she challenged.

He drew himself up, but I wrapped my wing around him to restrain his temper.  “She’s only teasing,” I murmured.  “It’s not disrespect, just a different way of expressing love.”

His pride hung on for a moment, then faded away.  “No, not wrong,” he said stiffly, “but you just remember that being old only makes you more cunning.”  And he winked at Lily, who was delighted.

Jack called them into the kitchen then, and he set Ramiro at ease by talking about work through the process of settling in to the meal.  Of course there was some awkwardness, but with Jack ignoring it and Lily being completely unaware of it, it did not have much power over the conversation.

For Ramiro, it was an education.  He watched the way that Hannah and Jack managed to include Lily in the conversation—that they did not let her dominate what was said, but they didn’t talk over her head, either.  He saw how intelligent she was, and how she was both respectful and comfortable with both of them, and even by extension with him.  He saw, too, how much she loves Hannah, and that Hannah did not lose any of her authority by showing her love for Lily.  And in all this, he looked at his daughter and began to think back on the years of her life, and for the first time he wondered if he had done right by her.

“It is never too late,” I told him.  “Don’t let your pride stand between you and the people you love most.”

For he does love Hannah—I know that now beyond a doubt.  I could see it in the pride that glowed deep in his heart all through the evening, stronger every time he looked at her.  Though he may not have agreed with her choices, he is able to admit now that they were right for her, and that she is flourishing, and he is glad for that.

Over dessert, Lily took a breath and turned to Ramiro.  “Can I ask you a question, Dr. Valdez?”

He was surprised, but he put his spoon back into his bowl.  “Of course.”

She pulled her hair away from her face, so that her scars became visible.  “Hannah says she thinks my scars will fade over time.  I think she’s just saying that to make me feel better, though.  What do you think?  Do you think something could be done to make my face look nicer?”

Hannah froze, her eyes darting to her father, and even Jack looked a bit concerned.  Ramiro noticed this, but I leaned close to assure him that I could help in this moment.

He cleared his throat and pushed his chair back from the table.  “Come on over here and let’s take a look, then,” he said.  Lily got up from her chair and came around to him, and he turned her face to the light, looking closely at the scars, but also at the rest of the face.  He “hmmed” a few times, which made Lily giggle.  “Yes, exactly as I expected,” he said, letting go of her chin.  “Well, Lily, my professional opinion is no, nothing could be done to make your face look nicer, because your face is perfect just the way it is.”

The relief from the other side of the table was tangible even to Ramiro.  Lily frowned, though.  “You’re just being nice.”

“I’m not nice,” Ramiro said without smiling.  “I’m a mean old man, Lily, and I tell it how it is.  Now, you listen to me, young lady.  Faces are my job, and I know my job better than anyone.  You have got one of the nicest faces I have ever seen—look at this nose!  And those cheekbones.  You are going to be a beautiful woman when you grow up.”

“But what about my scars?” Lily protested.

“What about them?” Ramiro asked.  “You don’t like them, cover them up.  They’re your scars.  But I bet you Hannah’s right about them.”  He looked at his daughter.  “She’s the expert.”

Hannah had tears in her eyes.  She had to look away, and Jack took her hand.

Lily studied him for a moment.  Then she said, “I don’t think you’re a mean old man.”

Ramiro was on the point of saying, you’re ten, what do you know?  But I stopped him, and he cleared his throat.  “Well, Lily, I’m trying to be not as mean anymore.  I’m not very good at it, though.”

“That’s okay,” Lily said.  “I’m not very good at fractions.”

That startled a smile out of Ramiro, and Lily liked it very much.  She smiled, too.  Then she said, “Can I call you Grandpa?”

“Lily,” Jack said sternly.  “We talked about this.”

But Ramiro was struggling with a rush of emotion, and he held up a hand.  “It’s all right,” he said, a bit hoarsely.  “I wouldn’t mind that, Lily, but let me ask you something.”  He motioned her closer and leaned in to whisper something that made her eyes pop wide.  She looked at Hannah.

“You think about that for a while,” he said, getting to his feet.  He rested a hand on her shoulder.  “And you know, Hannah used to call me ‘Papi’ when she was little.  You could call me that, if you decide you want to.”

“All right, but it’s time for Dr. Valdez to go, and for you to head up to bed,” Jack said, getting to his feet.  “Say goodnight, Lily.”

She did, though she was a bit subdued.  Jack said goodbye, too, and went upstairs with Lily while Hannah walked her father out.

“What did you say to her?” she asked.

“That’s between me and Lily,” he said.  He was quiet for a minute, then said, “She’s a good kid.  You’ve done a great job with her.”

“I got lucky,” Hannah said.  “We both did.  Remember she’s only been with us a few months.”

“Doesn’t mean you haven’t worked wonders with her.  You should be very proud.”

“I am,” Hannah said quietly.

Stopping beside his car, Ramiro turned to look Hannah directly in the eyes.  “I’m sorry,” he said.  “Tonight has made it clear to me that you’re already a better parent than I was.”

“Dad,” Hannah protested.

“And I don’t say that to challenge or manipulate you in any way, I say it because it’s the truth.”  This part was easy to say, because Ramiro was right—he does tell it as it is.  The next part was harder, and he needed my help to get the words out.  “But I want to do better.  For you, and for Trey, and for Lily.  If you’ll let me.”

Hannah sighed and put her arms around her father.  “Of course I’ll let you.  We’re always glad to have you.”

And as Ramiro hesitantly returned her embrace and tried to swallow his tears, I said to him, “Is this not better than holding on to pride?”

It will take some time, of course—change always does, and pride is a difficult thing to defeat.  But I know that Ramiro learned much tonight, and that he agrees with me that love is better.  I hope that I can help him as he makes the necessary changes in his spirit.  I will say, though, that he did put some ideas in Lily’s head.  She will also need watching in the next few days.  I hope I have the time for them both!

Isn’t it odd how taking on one charge often means taking on many different people?  They all could use help, and I want to give it to all of them.  Luckily, love comes from love—the more I give, the more I have to give.  God is good that way.