A choice is easy to make when one result would be bad and the other beneficial. When both results would be good in different ways, it makes the choice more difficult. This is the choice I am facing with Freya.
In the interest of fair play, she told Archer about Henry after he contacted her again. Archer wasn’t happy, of course, but like Henry he seemed to appreciate Freya’s honesty, and his dismay wasn’t enough to diminish his interest. So he’s continued to see her, even knowing that she has seen Henry as well.
I’ve been watching both men closely, to make sure that they are not motivated only by competitive feeling. To be sure there is some of that, even though neither of them have met the other. But both of them are sincere in their admiration of Freya, though they express it in different ways. As for Freya, she seems to be happy in the company of both men. Henry makes her laugh and keeps her guessing, and there is some powerful attraction between them—though thankfully she has not renewed their physical relationship, seeing that as giving him an unfair advantage. It isn’t something she can forget, though.
But then there is Archer, who is quiet and nurturing and soothing, and that is something that she appreciates, too. And she is beginning to see that he could be passionate, as well, a low-burning fire rather than an open flame.
In short, she is hopelessly confused about what she wants, as am I.
I went so far as to talk to Lubos for advice—he knows Freya very well, after all, and he has far more wisdom than I do. But he could see both sides as clearly as I could.
“In the end it comes down to what Freya wants,” he told me. “You and I can see that both men would feed her spirit, though in different ways. I believe that you can trust her instincts to show her what she needs.”
I’m not quite certain about that. One of the reasons Freya is such a difficult person to find a match for is that she doesn’t know what she wants from a relationship. She has been so accustomed to being the one who puts in the emotional labor that she doesn’t trust or know how to manage that support from another. She doesn’t expect it and doesn’t know how to open herself to it.
What I have been telling her is to pay close attention to who these men are, totally separate from herself. That is the only fair way to see them, I believe. Only once she knows them truly will she be able to know whether she can love them.