I had all but given up on seeing Anteros, but this evening, when I went down to visit Freya, I found him there, standing in her living room not far from where she had dozed off on her sofa. I was so astonished that I forgot to greet him and said rather stupidly, “She will have strange dreams with you here.”
He smiled at me. “She will have no dreams, but will wake feeling rested and refreshed.”
I remembered my manners then and bowed low. “Thank you for coming. I know that my request has caused some consternation among my seniors—”
He raised one hand to stop me. “You are following your heart, Asa’el, and doing so with courage,” he said. “In the end that will be honored.” He stepped close to me and put two of his wings around me. “But I am sorry to tell you that I must deny your appeal.”
I could not move. I certainly could not look at Freya.
Anteros did, a warm smile on his face. “I can see why you love her so, though. Her light is very bright. It is not one that must be fed by another, I think, but can survive on its own.” He turned back to me, his expression going grave. “Asa’el, I am going to ask you to do something difficult. I am going to ask you to forget what happened with Shannon for a moment.”
The request startled me, and then for a moment the grief returned as powerfully as it had struck at first. To say truth, I had forgotten Shannon, at least for a while, and to remember was agony.
“Why?” I managed to ask.
Anteros sighed. “Because I believe that it is not entirely love that drives you in this determination to stay by Freya’s side. I think that it is fear. Having lost a dearly loved charge, you are frightened to lose another, to have to accuse yourself the way that you have with Shannon. But none of what happened to her was your fault. In the same way, Freya’s fate is not in your hands.”
And if I want it to be?
On the sofa, Freya stirred, one hand coming up to rest against her face, and both of us looked at her for a moment. Because I could not help it, I drew a little nearer to her, and she smiled in her sleep.
“And that is the other concern,” Anteros said softly. “You know how sensitive Freya is. She does not know it yet, but she is growing attached to you. We worry that if that attachment continues to grow stronger, it will keep her from making connections with other humans. And that is not fair to her or to you.”
It was then that I knew myself to be defeated. As long as I felt certain that I could do Freya good, I would have argued for years that I should stay by her side. But the moment that it was suggested I might be doing her harm by staying close…
Of course Anteros could see my heartbreak. He drew me close into his embrace. “Take heart, young brother,” he whispered. “She will thrive, with or without romance in her life. And what you have taught her will certainly not be wasted. But there is no further need for a Cupid in her life.”
It was kind of him to try to comfort me, but even the warmth of a Dominion could not help me. I have had my time with my fire woman, and now it is over. How can I bear it?