Arrogance

Another Fallen came after Freya today.  I am so angry I can hardly find words to express it.  The only thing that comforts me is that something good came out of it, after all.

Just last week Freya received confirmation of something that has been office talk for some time: the collections editor at the press is moving on from her position, and so one of the assistants will be promoted to take her place.  As everyone expected, that someone will be Freya.

I was so very proud of her.  No one could have deserved the position more, and it was long in coming!  As for Freya, she is excited to take on the job, and not only because it means she will be working directly with Kara.  She is eager to make her own mark on the company which has been her home for some time.

Pride did not really come into it at all for her, and so I was not expecting danger to come from that angle.  I wished only to celebrate with her, or else I might not have been on the scene at all.  Perhaps that is why that thing thought it could get close to my fire woman.

They held a little celebration this afternoon, both to honor the departing editor and to celebrate Freya’s rise.  Everyone in the room was pleased for Freya, except for one person, and in a quiet moment I slipped away from Freya to check in with Alysse.  I was never any further from Freya than the length of the room.

Poor Alysse has been having a difficult time of it.  Over the past few weeks, she has tried to pull her old walls up around herself again, but she cannot shake the feeling that she has allowed ice to grow in her heart, and that the pain in her life may be coming from herself.  She and her fiancé have been arguing, there has been a break with her sister, and now Freya has been promoted, an event she has been dreading for some time.  It is her habit to get defensive and angry about these things, but now she also feels doubt and self-blame.

As she stood by herself, watching Freya surrounded by friends, I wrapped my wings around her.  “Another’s success is not your failure,” I murmured to her.  “You will have your chance.  And now that you are opening your eyes to what others may be feeling, you will be better able to care for them.”

I stayed with her for a little while, keeping her company and giving her reassurance, until she felt a little more relaxed and happy.  Then, pleased with myself, I looked up to see a Fallen at Freya’s side.

It was ghastly tall and thin as a rail, nearly half-bent in order to get its mouth at Freya’s ear.  I could see the shadowy words it was hissing, talking fast in my moment of distraction.  Those shadows were sinking into Freya’s soul, and her smile was gone.

I flew across the room in a single bound and seized the creature by its thin throat.  “How dare you,” I demanded.  “How dare you.”  I drew one of my arrows from its quiver and lifted it high like a dagger.

The horrible thing grinned at me.  “Better see to your girl, Asa’el,” it said, only slightly breathless.  “Hate for there to be a scene.”

It distracted me, and perhaps for the best, for when I looked up, I realized that my leap had caught Freya’s attention.  She didn’t know what it was, but it drew her eyes to the place I had been, and her gaze fell on Alysse.  That, along with the poison which had been dripped in her ear, was enough to bring all the old resentment to the surface, and she was already halfway across the room, bearing directly for Alysse.

The creature in my grip bit my hand then, and in my surprise and worry, I let it go.  It was gone immediately, slithering out the open door.  Snarling in anger, I called hurriedly to Ophell and turned to catch Freya, but it was too late.

“Well, Alysse,” Freya said, stopping before the other woman, “you haven’t congratulated me yet.”

To the humans, her smile was just as lovely as it always was, but I could see a twist in it that wrenched my heart with horror.  Freya was holding herself high with pride, and she was using that pride as a weapon against her rival.

“Congratulations,” Alysse said, unsmiling.

“Let that be enough,” I said, wrapping my wings around Freya, wishing that I could block her view of Alysse, wishing that I could draw her away.  “Please, Freya, let her be—”

Freya nodded, her eyes glinting coldly, as if the Fallen’s ice had made its way into her soul.  “Don’t worry, your time will come,” she said, with a sickly sweetness in her voice that made some of the listening others glance down in discomfort.  “You may have to work on your people skills a bit, of course—”

“Freya, please,” I begged, washing her with compassion and kindness, “please, for all the love I bear you—”

“—and maybe remove that stick from your ass—”

I groaned and braced myself for a fight.

But Alysse laughed, startling everyone in the room.  “You right, you right,” she said. 

Astonished, Freya stared at her.  So did I.

“Well,” Alysse was saying, “my mom used to say that removing anything from your ass is a painful procedure, since you usually need a swift kick in the ass to loosen everything up in there.”  Alysse turned around, shaking her hips a bit.  “How about it, Cobb?  I’m probably overdue.”

It could have been a challenge, but Alysse’s tone was light, and her smile was real, if a bit drawn.  Everyone around them was relaxing, joining Alysse in laughter.

Freya didn’t laugh.  Under the weight of her surprise, the surface of her pride cracked, letting my words and my influence sink down into her again.  She was bewildered, wondering why she had caused a confrontation, why she had tried to rub her own success in Alysse’s face.  Shame was creeping around the edges of her thoughts.

“Don’t,” I whispered to her.  “It wasn’t your fault.  Just be glad—now you can fix this.”

She took a breath and managed to smile.  “Maybe a little later,” she said to Alysse, who turned back around.  “Look, I didn’t mean—”  She stopped, because she had meant to be unkind.  I made a suggestion, and she seized on it with relief.  “I didn’t want to come at you.  I just—”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Alysse said with a shrug.  “I’ve come at you a couple of times, and you’ve always handled it with grace.  So now I know you can handle this job.”

“Well, thanks for the practice,” Freya said, laughing. 

They continued to trade jokes, each excusing one another, diffusing the tension in the room.  Soon everyone else drifted away, leaving Freya and Alysse looking at one another with more honesty than they have ever used with one another.

“Sorry,” Freya said quietly.  “I was a bitch.”

Alysse shook her head.  “I was a bitch first.  And you’re right—you deserve this job.  I don’t, not yet.”

“Yeah, but it was ugly of me to say it,” Freya said, grimacing.  She was very uneasy in her heart about it, and all my reassurances couldn’t shake her self-recrimination. 

Alysse could see it too, and she watched the struggle on Freya’s face with some respect.  I could see her telling herself that she needed to do better, and I was so proud I could burst.

“Friends?” was all she said, holding a hand out to Freya.

“Friends,” Freya agreed, accepting the hand.  And from the way they smiled at one another, I know that they meant it.

So the evening ended well, but it was not without its consequences.  Both Alysse and Freya went to bed tonight with weights on their souls.  Alysse feels good about what she did today, but she knows there is much work for her in the future to change the habits built over a lifetime.  And Freya still cannot forgive herself for acting on a cruel impulse.  She was only able to get to sleep less than an hour ago.

As soon as I was sure she would sleep through to morning, I went looking for the Fallen, but it was long gone.  Ophell caught a glimpse of it and says that it is an Arrogance, which does not surprise me.  He assures me that we will catch it.  I will not accept anything less.  This was the second Fallen to threaten Freya, and the first to come to her directly and intentionally.  And it, too, knew my name.

I have work to do.