“Ace,” Kara said to me this afternoon, “tell me about the Repository.”
This was an odd question, coming from Kara. Such a sweeping question is more typical from George, who wants to know everything for the sake of knowing it. Kara is far more practical. “What do you wish to know?”
“You can use it to see other angels’ memories, can’t you? Hear what they heard, see what they saw?”
“Yes, of course.”
She nodded, frowning at nothing. “Then I think Therai has one you should see.”
I was puzzled, but intrigued. And so this evening when I returned to heaven for my rest, I sought out Therai, who knew precisely what memory Kara meant. She told me that both Kara and Freya knew that I would see the memory, which comforts and confuses me, now that I have seen it.
At Kara’s insistence, she and Freya went out for a girls’ night this weekend—manicures, massages, and then dinner and drinks at an upscale restaurant. Therai went with them for protection, because “no boys are allowed,” Kara declared. I was happy for them to have the time, but I should have known that Kara had an agenda. At least she waited until the end of the evening to get into it.
“So how’s your Elder training going?” Kara asked.
Freya shuddered. “Look, I like Salathiel, I really do, but there’s something really terrifying about her,” she sighed, stirring her drink. “And you think you get used to it, but then it surprises you all over again.”
“Sooner you than me,” Kara said.
“I just can’t relax when she’s around. Maybe once Ace gets it figured out, I’ll ask if we can work on it alone for a while.”
Kara frowned at that, but let her thought pass. “What is she trying to get you to do?”
“She’s testing us to see if we can somehow blend our powers together.” Freya glanced around, but their table was isolated from the other guests in the restaurant, and they were in little danger of being overheard. “When Asoharith attacked my mom, Ace really did pull me along with him—I was both in the car driving and somehow seeing everything he was doing.”
“Sounds like you lucky you didn’t crash.”
“I really am,” she laughed, covering her eyes. “But Salathiel thinks we could do that again, or maybe he could come to me? I still don’t really understand that part.”
Kara waited for Freya to lower her hands. “And is this what you want? Sounds invasive if you ask me.”
Freya’s eyes went soft and distant. “What happened…it was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced, and also the most exhilarating. I could hear my mother’s heart faltering, and yet…I still felt safe. I could feel all his power, and how much he wanted to help her, and exactly what he could do for her. And while I was there, Kara…” She took a breath, her eyes glowing with wonder. “I felt it. I felt his certainty, his…knowledge of the future. He doesn’t know how, but he knows that everything is going to be okay, and better than okay. And that feeling—it was the most peaceful thing I’ve ever felt.”
“Even while Ace was smashing Asoharith’s throat?” Kara asked skeptically.
“It sounds strange, I know, but it’s true.” Freya ran a finger around the rim of her glass and spoke as if to herself. “It seems like no matter what he’s doing, Ace’s soul is the safest place for me in the universe. So no, I don’t find it invasive at all. Why would I mind being closer to him?”
Kara pushed her glass away from herself and sat back in her chair, folding her arms. “All right, it’s time.”
Freya blinked. “Time—?”
“Time to DT this R,” Kara said, which Therai found as incomprehensible as I did.
Freya seemed to understand perfectly, and color flooded into her cheeks. “Oh, stop,” she said.
“No, apparently we need to have this conversation,” Kara said.
“Why? What is the point?”
“Well, you tell me.” And when Freya didn’t answer, Kara kicked her lightly in the ankle. “Come on, Cobb, be real with me. Do you have feelings for Ace?”
And then I understood perfectly well.
Freya scowled at the table, bright red now. “We all do—”
“Uh uh, don’t evade the question,” Kara said. “Maybe we do all feel the feels when he’s around, but your relationship with him is something else. You are enrolled in special angel warrior school because of it. Hell, Frey, the fucking Elder of Cupids noticed. So take a good hard look at those feelings and tell me straight—are you in love, big ‘L’ Love, with Asa’el?”
Freya sat very still for a long time, as if hoping the question would go away—an unlikely prospect, knowing Kara. I wondered if those moments passed as slowly for her as they did for me.
Finally she said, “Yes.”
And she is. She is an intelligent woman, and she knows her own heart. I know it, too, and I have seen that her feelings for me are stronger than for anyone else that she has known. It’s just that neither of us have chosen to acknowledge it.
Kara sighed. “And you see why that’s a problem, don’t you?”
“I’m not an idiot, thank you,” Freya snapped. She reached for her purse, as if wanting to storm out of the restaurant, but then put it back onto the seat beside her. “But honestly, can you blame me?” she asked, almost pleaded.
Kara snorted. “Fuck no. Dude’s saved your life more times than I can count, and he one hundred percent thinks the sun shines out of your ass. A girl could do worse.” She leveled a hard glare at Freya, but her expression also held a healthy amount of sympathy. “And a girl could do better.”
Freya rested her head in her hand, smiling ruefully. “At least I can say I introduced him to my mother.”
“Just try introducing him to anyone else, though. You’ll look funny if you try to go out on a date with him, too, and don’t ever expect him to pay. And he can’t even touch you.”
“There’s more to life than all that.”
“But all that is important, and I think Ace would agree with me on that.”
I would. I do.
Freya didn’t answer or look up. Her smile was already gone.
Kara leaned forward in her chair. “Look, all I am saying is that as incredible as Ace is, and as good for you he may be, there are huge parts of your life that he just can’t share. And what happens when all this mess with Asoharith is over? Or when he decides it’s time to start his own life? Or when yours ends? You two are literally at different stages of life—”
“Nothing you are telling me is new, okay?” Freya demanding, finally lifting her head. “I’ve thought of all of this. But what do you want me to do? Just stop loving him? You know him, you know I can’t do that.”
Kara drummed her fingers on the table. “You could send him away.”
Even hearing it as memory, even being unable to feel Freya’s feelings in that moment, I knew the ice that went through her at that. I felt it myself.
“No, I can’t,” she whispered.
“Maybe you should,” Kara said. “Because I am sorry, but there’s nowhere for this to go, Freya.”
Suddenly decisive, Freya picked up her purse and got to her feet. “Maybe not,” she said, “but that’s for me to decide, and Ace.”
“Freya—”
“I know you’re doing this because you love me,” Freya went on, speaking over Kara, “and I’m trying really hard not to be furious with you. But I will stop trying if you don’t stop right now.”
Kara considered Freya, and finally reached for her own bag. “Fine. I’ve said my piece.”
They left the restaurant together and walked back to the car in silence. It wasn’t until Kara was dropping Freya off at her house that either of them spoke.
“One more thing,” Freya said, turning around to look Kara in the eye, her hand on the open door. “Don’t say anything to Ace about this.”
“You need to talk to him,” Kara said.
“I will. When I’m ready,” Freya answered, her voice clipped. “Don’t tell him any of this.”
“Fine,” Kara said coolly. “Not a word.”
Freya slammed the door. Maybe she sensed the evasion somehow, though I suppose Kara kept her word. Therai was uneasy about sharing the memory; she did ask Freya for consent to show it to me, and she received it, but she believes it would have been better coming directly from Freya.
I am not sure, but now that I have seen it, I do not know what to do with it. Is Freya really ready to discuss it with me, or did she just know that Kara would never let it go? And if she is not ready… But there are things that need to be said.
May the Father guide me to the right moment.