Today marks the end of the first week Brooke and Morgan have spent apart. It has been hard for them both, but I believe they are starting to find a rhythm.
At the very beginning, it was difficult, of course; both cried themselves to sleep and spent much of their days thinking about and reaching out to the other. Texts, phone calls, emails, Snapchats, all filled their days. At first I encouraged these thoughts, hoping that remembering one another would give them comfort, but it soon became clear to me that reminders of the other’s absence only cause them both pain. However, it is impossible and unhelpful to keep them from thinking of one another. So how to form a balance?
In this, I am grateful for Lubos’ advice. He has watched over several couples who have had relationships at a distance, and he has much of the wisdom that comes with experience. He advised that communication is necessary, but it must be meaningful, not simply a marker of missing someone. Along these lines, I spent one of the most exhausting days of my time on Earth stopping Morgan and Brooke from reaching out every time the other came to mind. Instead, I encouraged them to communicate only when they had something significant to say. Thankfully for me, they have now accepted this notion, and usually they only exchange messages when they have a question or a thought or joke to share. The jokes especially are helpful, for they tend to make the women smile rather than feel sad.
They do call one another, but usually only at a set time in the evenings, sharing the events of their days as they used to over dinner. In truth now they have much more to say, as they have shared less of what happened together. I can see how these conversations will help them grow in their understanding of one another.
Another piece of advice that I have found helpful was the advice not to be lonely. The tendency for both Brooke and Morgan was to keep apart from others—Brooke even had the notion that it would be disloyal of her to make close friendships with her coworkers. This of course is ridiculous, and I have encouraged her not to isolate herself, but even more so now that I have seen what harm isolation can do. With Lubos offering me support in this, I was more forceful on this topic, and now Brooke has twice allowed the other members of the team to take her out for dinner after the day’s work. They are good people, and if anything, Brooke enjoys the opportunity to talk about Morgan with people who do not know her already. Meanwhile Morgan has willingly sought out friends who are kind enough not to mention Brooke at all, which, I am discovering, is something that she needs every once in a while.
They have a long way to go, but now I know a direction in which to take them, and I am encouraged. I hope, in time, they will be, too.