Today was Grace’s original due date, so Grace and Con got together at her apartment to have a little “birthday” party for Shep. It was really just a normal meal with the addition of a cupcake at the end—for Grace, not Shep, as he is still eating only milk. He has gained weight splendidly, though. While he is still small, the doctors have assured Grace that he is above average size for newborns and well beyond what they expected for a premature baby.
“Here’s to our little miracle,” Grace said, and kissed his cheeks before handing him off to Con. She leaned her elbows on the table and watched as Con paced around the kitchen, murmuring to the baby. “Have you thought about what it would be like if he had been born normally?” she asked after a moment.
Con glanced up, raising his brows. “Well, we’d have had a normal baby shower, for one thing. Our parents might not be so worried about him all the time.”
Grace snorted. “No, I think my dad would still be King Worrywart.”
They both laughed, and Con angled his head at her with a smile. “I bet,” he said, more quietly, “that you and I would not be on such good terms.”
At first, Grace was surprised, and then a bit irritated at even the slightest implication that Con was glad their son had been born early, with all the dangers and struggles that came along. I soothed her, reminding her how anxious and attentive Con had proved himself. She considered it, and finally nodded. “You’re right. I didn’t really stop being mad at you until you were so helpful and reassuring when I needed you.” As he passed by, she reached out and touched his arm lightly. “Have I thanked you for that, by the way?”
He smiled. “You don’t have to, Gracie, it was my pleasure.”
“No, I do have to,” she said firmly. “You were there when I needed you—when I really needed you.”
Both he and I caught the implication in her voice, and his throat closed so tight that he could do nothing but smile and nod. I did my best to comfort him, but this was a truth that Grace has realized, and that Con cannot deny: though she felt that she needed him at the time of their wedding, it wasn’t the case. She has always loved him and will always love him, but she did not need him to be happy. That she realizes that now means she has let him go.
Con knew this was coming, had wondered if it was already here, but this gentle, loving delivery of the news, as undeniable as sunrise, was painful. He passed the sleeping Shep back to his mother and went to start loading up the dishwasher.
“I think it all turned out for the best,” Grace said, looking down into Shep’s face. “All’s well that ends well, and here we are, already at home and settled. I’m even back at work again.” Grace’s return to work earlier this week was greeted with much fanfare at the station, though she is still just part-time. With two sets of eager grandparents nearby, she has had no difficulty with childcare, but she wants to ease back into the workplace, and she is not in any hurry to lose her time with her son. But she feels, and I agree, that it is important for her to find a balance between her career and her family.
“Congratulations on that, by the way.”
“Thank you.” She glanced up at Con. “Any luck on the job front? You said you were looking again.”
Con took a breath. “Actually, yeah. I wanted to talk to you about that.” He turned off the water and turned around so he could look at her. “You remember Charlie, my old boss?”
The mention of the name made Grace’s lips twitch; I believe there used to be an old joke, which puzzled me but amused her to no end, about how Con was one of “Charlie’s angels.” “How could I forget?”
“Yeah, ha ha, shut up.” He rolled his eyes, but the teasing seemed to have relaxed him a bit. “Well, I got back in touch with him, asking if he might have some suggestions on jobs. It took some nagging, but he actually got back to me yesterday saying he’s got a P.I. buddy who is looking for another agent to do some of the field work.”
Grace’s eyes widened. “A detective?” She almost began to laugh, but then stopped, studying Con. “You know, you might not be half bad at that.”
“Thanks.” Con was trying to keep casual, but there was an earnest heat burning behind his breastbone. “I’d have to go back to school for a few things, of course, and it’d take me a year or two at least before I’d start taking cases on my own, but Charlie thinks I’ve got a real shot at the job.” He rubbed the back of my head. “He did suggest that I might be good at tracking down scumbags who run out on their wives, since I’ve got experience.”
Now Grace did laugh, but it was a kind laugh, further proof that he is forgiven. “You might at that. Wait, so, do you have an interview? Or just the contact?”
“No, I’ve got an interview. I’m going at the end of next week.” He hesitated, then brought up the one reservation that has been restraining his excitement. “The only thing is…if I take the job, I’ll have to do a fair bit of traveling. I’m not sure how much exactly, and I’ll definitely ask at the interview, but…” He didn’t continue, but his gaze spoke for him, lingering on little Shep.
This did bring Grace up short a bit, too. She looked down at Shep, then back up at Con. Her gaze lingered so long on his face that he shifted his feet uncomfortably.
“We can’t deny that our lives have changed, Con,” she said after a moment. “Neither one of us is the same person now that we were at the beginning of the year. We’re still figuring out who we are and what we want.” She got to her feet and came to put Shep into his father’s arms. “Whatever may have happened between us,” she murmured, looking up into Con’s face, “I know you want Shep. I know you want to be his father, beyond any doubt, and that’s enough for me.” Her fingers brushed lightly over Con’s face. “But you are allowed to want other things, too. And so am I.”
The depth of Con’s relief revealed to him how worried he had been about this. He leaned down to kiss Grace’s cheek, straightening in a hurry when Shep grizzled and squirmed. Both parents watched closely until he settled back into sleep; then they shared a little smile of relief.
“We’ll figure it out, Gracie,” he said, suddenly filled with confidence. “We will figure it out together, and we’ll have it all, you and me and Shep. We’ll have fulfilling lives, and we will raise a good man while we’re doing it. If anyone can do it, we can.”
Looking into his eyes, Grace admitted to herself that she would always love him, for the rest of her life. She accepted that and made it a part of her, and someday it will not stop her from loving again. For now, however, she is full of love, completely satisfied with the way things are.
As am I.