I have to say, first and foremost, that Brid is very good at what she does. Her wisdom and understanding of her charges’ needs is inspiring, and I am so fortunate to have the chance to work with her.
As far as I knew, Lewis and Sarah had a very good night yesterday evening. They went out to dinner together, and they both had a lovely time. Lewis was relaxed and happy, and Sarah was utterly charmed by him. She was overjoyed by this evidence of how far he has come, and when the meal was over, she didn’t want to leave him. So she invited him back to her apartment for the night.
I saw them as far as the door, at which point I was obliged to excuse myself. I went to share the good news with Brid, all but bursting with happiness for the two of them.
Brid, however, was worried. “Do you think that she will invite him to stay the night?” she asked, moving as if she were going to return to check on them.
“I certainly hope so. I think it will do him good.”
“He may not be ready for that, Asa’el,” she said. She saw my consternation and set her hand on my arm. “Please don’t misunderstand me—I am happy that they have come to a new closeness, and I think this will do his heart very much good. You should be proud of your work. But it is his mind that I worry about.”
I could see her point then. “He has been doing very well, Brid. You’ve done wonders with him—he hasn’t had a nightmare for many days now.”
“But to wake up in a strange place, and not alone, may be frightening for him,” she reminded me. “We should go back to check on them.”
So we did so. I admit that I did not really believe there would be a problem, and I believed it less when I saw how peaceful Lewis and Sarah were in one another’s arms. Lewis was smiling even in his sleep.
But after a time, the smile faded, and a familiar crease came to his brow.
Nightmares are funny things. Though the one who is living it feels that it lasts forever, it can move through the soul with astonishing swiftness. Even though Brid and I both moved to soothe him as soon as we saw the signs, we were too late. Lewis startled awake, and for a moment he did not know where he was. He tore violently free of Sarah’s arms, cursing, his eyes wide.
Sarah sat up, confused and worried. “Lewis?” she asked, and she reached for him.
“Don’t—” I said, but I was again too late.
Lewis seized her wrist and dragged it away from his face, nearly pulling her off the bed. She cried out in surprise and pain, and he let go immediately, horror coming to his eyes.
“Shit,” he said, falling to his knees. “Shit, Sarah.” He rubbed his eyes, then shuddered and scrambled away.
A heavy silence fell between them, as Sarah nursed her hand close to her chest and Lewis tried to get his bearings.
Brid was very calm. “Turn on the light,” she said to Sarah. “Let him see where he is.”
Sarah reached out and turned on the lamp by her bed. “Are you okay?” she asked in a low voice.
He laughed harshly and pushed his hands through his hair. “I should be asking you that.”
“I’m fine,” Sarah said, dropping her hand away from her wrist. “You just scared me.”
Lewis staggered backwards and sank down against the wall. “God, I’m so sorry.”
Again the heavy silence fell. Brid went to Lewis, and motioned for me to go to Sarah.
I did as she suggested and leaned down. “Remember what it was that you were thinking about the other day?” I whispered to her. “When Lewis was telling you about his nightmares?”
Suddenly resolved, Sarah threw back the sheets. “I’m not,” she said to Lewis, so firmly that he lifted his head, his haunted eyes resting on her face. She swung her feet out of the bed and came to kneel just in front of him, though at Brid’s warning she didn’t try to touch him. “I’m glad you’re here,” she went on, tears in her eyes. “I’m glad you’re not alone. And you’re not alone, okay? I’m here for you.”
The silence that lingered after those words was not nearly so heavy as before.
Finally Lewis reached out and gave Sarah his hand. “I’m glad you’re here too,” he said.
She smiled and kissed his hand. “Come on,” she said, pulling him up. They went back to the bed and sat down together, only linked by their hands. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked him.
“No,” he said immediately. Brid went to him and whispered to him, and he sighed. “At least, not right now. In the morning…ask me again in the morning.”
“Okay,” Sarah said, determined to follow his lead. “So how can I help when this happens? I guess it’s better not to touch you, huh?” She leaned forward so he could see her smile and know that he was forgiven.
“Yeah,” Lewis said after a moment. He reached for her other hand and turned it gently between his fingers. “At least not until I’m fully awake.”
She touched his face. “I’m fine,” she told him again. “I promise. And we’re fine. I want to help.”
He swallowed and took a deep breath. “Okay. So I’m supposed to ground myself after I have a nightmare—make sure I know where I am, see and hear and feel and smell and taste what’s around me.” His grip tightened on her hand. “You’re already helping with that.”
“Well, I hope not with smell,” Sarah joked, and he laughed. She gasped and started to her feet. “I’ve got some fresh mint in the kitchen—will that help?”
He stood with her, but before she could go running off, he caught her face and rested his forehead against hers. “I don’t deserve you,” he whispered.
She leaned back to frown at him. “Would Dr. Christensen approve of that wording?”
He laughed again, surprised, and reconsidered. “Okay, I guess—I must have done something really good to deserve you.”
“Better,” she said, and kissed him once, very lightly. “Of course,” she murmured, “maybe you don’t have to deserve me. Maybe that’s the wonderful thing about love—that you don’t have to earn it.”
His eyes popped wide. They have not yet shared that word aloud.
Sarah avoided his gaze. “Don’t say it back,” she said. “Not yet. I don’t want to hear it from you when you’re scared and worn out. Tell me in the light of day.” She squeezed his hand and turned away. “I’m going to get you some of that mint.”
When Brid and I left, we were certain that Lewis was no longer thinking about his nightmare. He went back to sleep again without fear, his eyes until the last moment focused on what is here in front of him now.
“You were right,” I told Brid. “As usual.”
She shook her head, smiling. “Why do you even bother disagreeing with me anymore?”
That made me laugh. We left Lewis and Sarah peacefully asleep and returned to heaven together.
“Thank you,” I said to Brid before she went on her way. “For bringing me along. I know that you could have done the same without me, but it was good for me to be able to help.”
She looked at me with her wise healer’s eyes. “Yes,” she said, “it was good for you.”
And in that moment I knew that it had been intentional—that she has not only been trying to heal our charge all this time, but that her concern has been for me at the same time.
I still grieve for Shannon, and I will have much to say to Hatsumi for some time yet. But I have come to a place, somehow, where I too can see what is in front of me, and not what is behind. And much of that has to do with Brid’s faith and friendship. If she believes in me, how can I fail? After all, she is usually right about these things.
Overcome with gratitude for such a friend, I bowed to her with my hand over my heart. “Thank you for making me well again, Healer,” I said to her.
“You’re not rid of me so easily,” she answered. “We still have to make you happy.”
And then, before I could ask if she was finally admitting which of the two was more important, she left me laughing.