Well. This was unexpected.
Freya, George, and Kara took a long weekend off as a way of recovering from their ordeal. It was meant also to be a celebration, but seeing as that was not quite the mood they were feeling, they canceled their beach trip in favor of staying a few days with Esther. Freya has been hesitant to accept her mother’s frequent invitations, worried about continually having to lie about how things have been since her “breakdown”. The events of this week, however, left her wanting her mother’s comfort, and George and Kara were just as eager to be mothered for a while.
Esther, for her part, took one look at the young people gathered on her porch and ushered them in. “Tea or liquor?” she asked.
“Both,” the three of them answered in unison.
And so they spent all of yesterday and much of today in lethargic comfort, playing board games and listening to Esther complain about a colleague’s showy sabbatical pictures on social media. Her unobtrusive affection and unquestioning welcome has done wonders for all three of them.
But though she didn’t necessarily voice them, of course Esther had questions. She has been watching Freya, taking surreptitious glances at her wrists and arms. And when she had a chance to learn more, she took it.
This morning, she took Freya and Kara out for coffee, and then this afternoon she went out for groceries. Freya complained briefly that she had left her laptop in her mother’s car, but the opportunity to speak freely was too good to regret. We called Anathalie in to give us an update on the hunt, which was so scant of news as to be not worth repeating.
“This sucks,” Kara said, lying on her back with her feet up against the wall. “There has to be something we can do.”
“What, though?” George asked. “We can’t fight what we can’t find.”
“Sure about that? We healed Ace while he was stuck in heaven, didn’t we?”
“Due to Freya’s strong connection to me, built up over years,” I reminded them. “You have no such connection to any of the Fallen, and praise the Father for that.”
Freya frowned at me. “But there is a connection, isn’t there? Nebulous though it might be. You said yourself that she and I are the women you’ve loved most.”
It was an intriguing idea. “I think between you and she there isn’t enough to draw on. For me it might be possible. It would involve a return to old feelings, and I’m not sure they would be effective when so much of what I loved in her is gone now…but I will ask Ero’an.”
“Which leaves us still sitting on our asses on the sidelines,” Kara grumbled.
Freya laughed. “Haven’t you had enough of fighting demons for one lifetime?”
It was perhaps bad luck, or perhaps something else, that had the front door opening just as Freya was saying this, one room away.
All three of them froze, listening, but there was only silence for a long moment. Freya looked at me, and I flitted into the kitchen to find Esther standing there, three bags of groceries in hand and Freya’s laptop tucked under her arm.
I had not revealed myself to Esther, of course, but still she saw something when I came into the room. Her eyes focused on me and grew wide, and I knew then that she knew more than what Freya had told her.
“Mom?” Freya called from the other room.
Esther took a breath and ducked her head, coming into the kitchen and closing the door with her foot. She set the groceries on the table, dug in her pocket, and had a set of headphones in her hand by the time Freya came into the room.
“Hi, baby,” Esther said, careful to wave the headphones in front of Freya before putting them away. “Here, you left this in my car. Serves you right for being rude enough to be on it while we were at coffee this morning.”
Freya took the laptop, glancing at me warily. “I thought that would come back to bite us. You said it was okay, though.”
“Guess I did. Could you put these things away for me? I’ll start dinner in a bit, but I want a nap first, I think.” She patted Freya’s cheek and moved past her toward the stairs.
Freya stared a question at me, but someone else was making almost an equal demand on my attention—no surprise that Esther’s will is as strong as her daughter’s. I only shook my head at Freya and followed Esther up to her room.
I found her sitting on the bed, staring at the wall. She shivered when I came in.
“I know the password of Freya’s computer,” she murmured. “She gave it to me the last time I visited so I could look up a restaurant. I promise, I only wanted to know if she was okay.”
I understood why she had done it, even though her soul was twisted at the guilt of the violation. The desperation and terror in her voice was the same that had gripped me like a fist and left me unable to turn away from her.
“It’s a good story,” she went on. “I didn’t have time to read it all, just some of her notes.”
I could see it clearly in her thoughts—Freya’s research into Shannon’s life, as well as the reports of fires along the highway where the duel happened. In short, the evidence that it was not just a story.
“A good story,” Esther said again, and her memory shifted to the account Freya had written about the duel, with raw and powerful language. “Very exciting. But if there’s even a chance that it’s real, it’s fucking terrifying.”
“I know,” I said softly.
She shivered again and lifted her gaze in my direction with a fierce heat in her aura that made her look very like her daughter. “You’re real, aren’t you?” she said. “You’re the friend she was talking about, the one who’s done so much for her. Tell me that you’re real. Please, please, tell me that you’re real.”
I did not need to consider it for long. Esther had read about the darkness and the danger, and she needed to know that her daughter had a protector, as well.
There is a small radio beside Esther’s bed. I reached out and turned it on.
Esther jumped, her hand going to her heart. Then she wilted, her forehead falling almost to her knees. “Oh, God,” she murmured. “Oh, God.”
I sat beside her and put my wings around her. “She is not alone,” I whispered to her. “She has been given the best protection we can give her, and she in turn protects us. I will do everything in my power to make certain that she is safe.”
Esther fell onto the bed and buried her face in the pillow. I stayed with her, but it wasn’t long before she lifted her head again and turned to me. “What can I do?” she asked.
So determined, just like Freya. I felt such love for Esther in that moment, and I nudged her back into her pillows. “Love her, and give her a safe place away from it all. Pray for her. And trust me.”
Esther lay back, staring at the ceiling. I washed her in comfort and weariness, and her eyes slid shut. But before she went to sleep, she murmured, “I do, Ace.”
It warmed me, and I stayed with her a bit longer, humming along with the radio to bring her comfort and peace. Then, sensing another presence in the room, I turned and smiled at Adiola, who had come to join the song.
“Do you think she can be convinced it was just a dream?” I asked her.
“Perhaps,” she said, “if that is her will. Of course she will still remember what she read in Freya’s notes, but as long as Freya and the others keep up the façade, she may let it be.”
“And is that best?” I asked her.
Adiola flicked back her wings. “For her peace of mind? Certainly. Though the truth does prove that there is no damage to Freya’s spirit—quite the reverse, as I have read.” She took my place at Esther’s side.
She took my place at Esther’s side, and I turned off the radio. “But you think we should give her the refuge of uncertainty?”
“Would I be here if I didn’t?” she asked, sparkling at me.
I laughed. “We will follow her cue, then.” I bowed to her and left to tell Freya what had happened.
So far, Esther seems to be accepting the possibility that she did dream her interaction with me. She was quiet over dinner, despite the others’ care to keep the conversation light. But there was no great fear or worry in her, nothing more than what she has felt earlier. Freya was relieved, because she does not want her mother involved in any of this in any way.
I know that I should have kept my silence, but I could not turn away from a mother’s love and fear. And perhaps now Esther will remember, even if she doesn’t understand why, that Freya has a caretaker who will never abandon her, and who can protect her even from the warriors of hell—or even better, that it is she who protects me.