In the past few days, there has been a great deal of time to think. I have had time to settle into my new self, my new role, and it has brought me to a decision.
This is going to be the last installment in this record.
I have been telling a great story these five years. I thought that I was telling the stories of my charges, and I did, and I hold those stories still in my heart. But all of it was a part of my own story, and it has been greater and wilder and more full of blessing than I could have ever imagined.
Is it a truth of writing that, no matter what story you set out to tell, you always find yourself writing your own?
If anyone, even a Throne, had told me that within the span of that time I would go from a new Cupid to a six-winged Guardian Seraph, I would have laughed for days. Yet here I stand, and for the first time, I feel that I am what I was meant to be.
Perhaps my headlong motion ever since my birth has been leading me to this moment, this self. Now that I am here, I feel ready for a quieter kind of work, a slower period of my life. I hope that I have earned that.
There is still work to be done, of course. At this very moment, I am the only Guardian Seraph in existence, which means that I will be taking on special assignments from the Orders, tasks that require more direct intervention than most. I will travel the world in the guise of a human, talking to people, shielding them, helping them in passing.
It suits me perfectly. Had I known that this was possible, I would have striven for it long ago. Not only does it give me the opportunity to protect and care for more people than ever before, but I also have the best of all possible lives with Freya.
It will not be perfect. The “man-suit” as Kara insists on calling it, has many limitations, and it will be the work of many weeks before I make a convincing human. But I have capable and enthusiastic teachers, better than any angel could ask, and whatever it can give me is more than I ever expected to have. I will be able to stand beside her, to support her throughout her days on this Earth. I will be able to help her make a mark on this world.
She is not planning a quiet existence, either. She is continuing to write our story—hers and mine and Shannon’s. With access to the Repository, she can now draw on my own thoughts, exactly as I wrote them in real time, to bring new life to the tale. Maybe someday this story will make a difference in the lives of others. Maybe my love for Shannon can give her a positive legacy after all.
Freya has other plans, too. She continues to be involved with Mary’s website, helping struggling teens, and she and Kara are talking about starting a similar organization for women and girls. She has plans to travel, sometimes following me on my assignments, sometimes simply taking in this beautiful world of hers.
Whatever she chooses to do, she will be incandescent. And I have no need to record it all, because she will do that for herself.
So we move forward, from one story into the next. Kara and George and Esther and Brid and Inca and Orison and so many others are coming with us, but whatever is to come will be much different than what came before. And when that story is over, there will be another one, and another after that, until the Long Fight is over and all imperfections are forgotten.
Until that day, I will be in the world, following love, feeding her fire and my own. Maybe I will see you there.