The moment I have been waiting for—or do I mean dreading?—has come.
Myrtle and Jaquinn have done very well together, despite her persistence in calling him Jack. Her perverseness rather serves to amuse him, though, and over time he has come to admire her passion, humor, and confidence. She in turn is intrigued by his easy nature, his kindness, and his genuine interest in the people around him. He is that rare creature, a truly good man, and she likes the novelty of that.
Today, however, their closeness was put to the test. They were out on their third date, this one more casual than the others. It began, more as a joke than anything else, in a comic-book store, where Myrtle and Jaquinn shared their favorites from childhood and learned about new releases.
At their casual supper afterwards, Myrtle got a phone call. She answered it, as she usually does, despite the perceived rudeness to Jaquinn. He didn’t mind, until he realized that the person on the other end of the line held a special interest to Myrtle.
“Yeah, I know, it has been a long time.” Myrtle smiled in a way that made Jaquinn’s smile fade. “I’ve missed you too.”
The man on the other end of the line asked her when he could see her. Myrtle looked up at Jaquinn, and her own smile faded for a moment as she realized he’d made the connection. Then it came back, but this time it was easy, untouched by desire. “Nah, not tonight, Ash. Hey, look, I’m out with someone right now. Why don’t I give you a call tomorrow?”
That information was not enough for Ash, apparently, but Myrtle laughed off his questions. “Mind your business, Ashton. Talk to you soon.” She hung up and tucked her phone away. “Sorry about that. Where were we?” She held out her hands to Jaquinn over the table.
He took them, but did not accept the change of subject. “Friend of yours?” he asked.
“Hell, no. Ashton is my worst enemy.” Myrtle laughed at the look of surprise on Jaquinn’s face. “He beat me out the last time I went to a dance competition. I was kind of a sore loser about it. He’s trying to kiss up to me again.”
“Huh.” Jaquinn pulled his hands free and folded them over his chest. “Are you going to let him?”
Myrtle drew herself up, bristling a bit despite my presence behind her trying to soothe her. “Maybe. What’s it to you?”
Jaquinn shrugged, picking up his drink. “I know a booty call when I hear one.”
“Yeah, well, so?” she demanded. “What’s wrong with that? I’m an adult, he’s an adult.”
“I’m not judging you.”
“I said no, didn’t I?” Myrtle snapped. “I’m with you, I’m not going to run off with some other guy.”
“You said not tonight,” Jaquinn reminded her. “That’s not a very big no.”
I crossed the table to stand by him, trying to calm some of the jealousy he was feeling. The feeling had surprised him—he had been trying to keep himself detached, recognizing the small likelihood of Myrtle making a commitment to him. But here he was, angry by the possibility that she might be taken from him. He realized that he had no firm ground to keep her with him—after all, there were no promises between them, not even a verbal confirmation that there was a relationship at all—and so instead of asking her for something he did not believe he had the right to expect, he lashed out.
The damage was done. “I haven’t heard you asking me to say a big no to anyone,” Myrtle said, her hands clenched on the table. “Who the hell do you think you are, judging me for the way I live my life?”
“I never said—”
“Fuck you,” Myrtle said, pushing to her feet. “It’s just fine when it benefits you, isn’t it? But when I want to sleep with someone else, you get all righteous. Fuck you up the ass.” And she marched out of the restaurant, leaving Jaquinn under the stares of other customers.
I went with her, of course—of the two, she is the more volatile, and more likely to do something reckless. Her immediate impulse was to call Ashton back and accept his offer, and it took the entire journey back to her apartment to dissuade her of this idea. I knew, however, that drawing someone else into this particular tangle of emotions would only make the situation worse.
Instead, Myrtle turned on her music as loud as it would go and danced to escape her frustrations, until her neighbor came to pound on her door. Then she went to bed alone, though I do not think she has managed to sleep yet.
I’ve come away because I think I have done everything I can do. It is hard to tell what Myrtle is feeling—she internalizes much, and so she is difficult to read. I think that she has made a real connection with Jaquinn, but is it enough to overturn the habits of years? She has been so used to freedom from connections that I believe the prospect of making this one frightens her. I hope that I have made it clear that the rewards of a deep connection with someone else can far outweigh the danger, but in the end it will be her decision what to do.
I will be watching her closely in the next days, and when I know what that decision is, I will certainly pass the knowledge along.