Many of you have been asking me about my rather oblique comment about Jesse and Ramona at the end of my last post. I admit I intentionally omitted the details of Jesse’s plan, out of a desire to respect Jesse’s wishes. He has been so nervous about this, so careful in his thoughts and prayers, that it felt strange to speak openly of his plans to so many.
It is a strange balance to keep, one that I have spoken of to my fellow Cupids many times. In the end, our interference in the lives of humans is uninvited, though it is always with the very best of intentions. Many of our charges who have had the very best results would still be upset and disturbed if they knew to the extent that we have been involved in their lives. The world has taught them to be protective of their thoughts and desires, so they do not realize that to confide such things to a friendly spirit is a relief unmatched by any in the world. I do try to be respectful of this. I try to behave as if what I see in the minds of my charges was willingly given, evidence of a deep trust, and worthy of respect. So it is that while I often share their thoughts and feelings with the Repository, hoping that my experiences may help my sisters and brothers with their own charges, there is also much that I do not share.
Still, I believe I can elaborate on Jesse’s state of mind without betraying the fullness of his plans. He has been meditating recently on his relationship with Ramona, trying to judge its extent and predict its growth into the future. He has also been comparing it to the relationship that he had with Victoria before her death. I was uncertain as to the wisdom of this, but after several instances of drawing his thoughts away from this line, I realized that it was inevitable, and so I have simply borne witness and tried to keep a fair balance between the two women.
Jesse still loves Victoria, and always will. But he is coming to understand that love is a different thing with different people, and that his love for Ramona does not supplant or diminish Victoria in his heart. This is a relief to him, for he is an honorable man, and what vows he made to Victoria, he intended to keep.
He can see that Ramona needs him still. He can also see that in time, her confidence will be such that she will be able to stand on her own. Jesse has wondered if, at that time, she will still want to stay with him. I know that she will, but Jesse rates himself far lower that I would. He is unsure that Ramona would choose to stay with him forever.
I have been doing what I can to persuade him that she would, if he would only give her that chance. It seems to me that