It will surprise none of you that Tammy and Lamarr felt Anteros’ presence.
I may have been too weak to have any influence over them in that final argument, but an Archangel cannot compare to a Dominion. Though they could not see him, their spirits recognized his presence right away. Never mind that he was only there to bring me back to heaven; the force of his spirit marked them in that moment. It was this that I had to cope with when I returned to Earth.
Tammy was already horrified by what she had said, and that, compounded by the impact of a Dominion, left her no choice but to run from Lamarr. Since then she has not spoken to him, wracked with guilt and pain. In turn, Lamarr was deeply hurt by her words, wanting to continue to comfort her, but also confused and unwilling to go back to her. All this I learned from Beriah, who has been serving as Tammy’s Comforter and has kept a close watch on both of them. He came with me to meet them, offering his assistance in persuading them.
“Their greatest comfort in this time must be one another,” he told me. “It is true time and again—the one true balm for grief is love.”
I went to Tammy first, as I knew that she was suffering more. I found her sitting in her mother’s apartment, motionless and staring out of the window. She was thinking of her mother, of whether Sheridan had really still disapproved of Lamarr.
I lowered myself to be next to her. “You don’t really know, do you?” I whispered to her. “That is what troubles you. You still are unsure whether your mother wholeheartedly gave her blessing to your marriage.”
She shivered—my voice was certainly reaching her this time!
“You want to honor her memory,” I said, glancing at Beriah to be certain that my words would not hurt her further. “That is noble. But she is gone from this place now, and you must face the truth that you already knew, and that is now the source of your guilt: that she was wrong about Lamarr, and that he brings a light to your life that she could not see.”
Tammy buried her face in her hands, and I and Beriah both wrapped our wings around her. It lightened both of us when she jumped to her feet, seizing her jacket and her keys.
She did not need to guess where Lamarr was; she knew. For the first time since her mother’s death, she went to Shawna’s home. Shawna herself opened the door, and without a word she threw her arms around Tammy and pulled her close, pressing Tammy’s head to her shoulder. Tammy clung to her, allowing herself for the first time to feel the comfort of a mother other than her own. The two women did not need to say anything at all.
Lamarr was at prayer, but Shawna let Tammy into the room and quietly closed the door behind her. Tammy stood back, watching Lamarr bowing and chanting.
“He has strength enough for both of you,” I told her. “It is a free gift, and no dishonor to your mother’s memory. No matter her thoughts on Lamarr, she wants you to be loved.”
Tammy sank to her knees.
When Lamarr turned around, there was no surprise in his eyes. He sat back on his heels and looked at Tammy, love and pain in his eyes.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
He nodded.
“No, really,” she insisted, leaning forward, her fingertips resting on the floor. “Lamarr, I am so sorry for what I said.”
“I forgive you,” he said softly.
She continued as if she hadn’t heard him, unable to believe in his forgiveness. “Mom may not have been completely in your corner, but she was coming around,” she said. “She would’ve come to love you as much as I do, if only because I love you so much, Lamarr, so much it terrifies me.” She pressed her hands to her chest, struggling against sobs. “I just felt like I would snap apart if I didn’t do something for her, something to make it up to her for everything we struggled with, and—”
Lamarr scooted himself forward across the floor and took her hands, leaning in to look at her face. “I forgive you,” he said again, very firmly.
Tammy gasped for breath and pressed her forehead against his, her hands against his cheeks. “Oh, God,” she sobbed, “thank you, God.”
He put his arms around her and pulled her close. Beriah and I looked at one another and smiled.
It was some time before Tammy had breath to speak again, but she did speak, feeling compelled by the words. “When I said those awful things,” she said, clinging to Lamarr with her eyes pressed shut, “I felt like I had broken everything. I felt like I had ruined us, and all of a sudden I saw how much I would hate myself forever if I had. Lamarr, if I lost you—”
His grip on her tightened. “You didn’t,” he murmured. He kissed her forehead. “You know what I felt like when you said that?”
She shivered, fearing his answer, but murmured, “What?”
“I was mad, and betrayed, and brokenhearted,” he said, “for all of three seconds. And then I saw the look on your face, and I knew why you said it, and I thought, ‘God, she can tear me to pieces if that’s what she needs right now.’”
Tammy choked on a sob and lifted her face to his, kissing him again and again. He returned her kisses, then took her face in his hands and made her return his gaze. “I gave you my heart, Tammy Jones, and that means you get to do whatever you want with it. Stomp it to the ground, carry it off with you forever and a day, it’s still yours. I’m never going to want it back because I believe you will come back and fix the damage every time.”
She nodded, quickly and fervently. “Every time, Lamarr, I promise. Every time.”
He smiled, and it was as beautiful as Anteros’ smile. “Good.”
So they will be all right. They have healing yet to do, but now I can stand beside them for all of it.