Cold Truth

I have been so excited to meet this new person, my newest and longest anticipated charge.  I have wondered what they might be like, who they might be drawn to, what new challenges they might present and what new lessons they might have to teach me.  I have looked so forward to all of these things, and I have to say that I am disappointed.

That sounds so terrible to say, it really does, but I can’t lie.  Perhaps it is only a bad first impression, or the fact that I have been fortunate to work with good, strong, wise people.  In comparison, Shannon does not look good.  But I should allow you to make your own judgments, without trying to justify myself.

Shannon Kilkenny is still in college, though she is twenty-four.  After she graduated high school, she took a year off to travel with her mother, touring through Europe.  She enjoyed the travel so much that she signed up for the Peace Corps, but she only lasted a month there before she returned to the United States.  After that she worked a few different jobs until she could enroll in college.  She started out in pre-med, wanting to follow in her father’s footsteps, but changed her major twice, first to history, and finally to art.  Those decisions as well as various health problems delayed her graduation further, but she is at last on track to finish this December.  Her plan is to go into museum work—she reasons that there being so many museums around her home city of Washington, DC, she will be certain to find somewhere to work.

I came to her while she was at home—she has a very nice apartment not far from the campus, within walking distance of her classes.  She had just come in, and she dropped her car keys into the bowl by the door, sighing.

She is a beautiful girl.  I was pleased to see that, like Freya and Lauren, she has brilliant red hair, although I am not quite certain that Shannon’s is a natural shade.  Her skin is creamy pale, and she has rich dark brown eyes.  Her hands are soft and she is tall and slender and has a beautiful smile.  I have learned, however, that this smile is not often seen.  I was only lucky enough to see it because she received a phone call shortly after coming in, and it made her face light up.

Answering, she said, “I am so glad you called.  Today has been misery.”

The person on the other end of the line laughed.  “And how did I know that it would be?”

“Because I told you last night.  But it was worse than I thought, Mom.”  Shannon climbed the stairs and fell down onto her bed.  I could see the weariness throughout her mind and body and stretched a wing over her to do what I could to lift it.

“So the meeting with Professor Galvin didn’t go well?”

“Ugh,” Shannon said and threw her arm over her face.  “He was so rude.  First he was all impatient, like I was taking up way too much of his valuable time, even though I was there less than fifteen minutes.  He made me wait for more than twice that, by the way.  And I was perfectly reasonable in telling him that I have a health condition, that I might need extensions on certain assignments, and he’s all terse and ‘we’ll handle that on a case-by-case basis.’  Seriously?  All I wanted was a little reassurance that he wouldn’t kick me out of the class if I was late on a few things, because that happens, as you and I know very well.”

Her mother made soothing noises, and I made a note to speak to Brid and see what I could learn about Shannon’s condition.

“Oh, and you’ll love this,” Shannon went on, sitting up.  “After that meeting I went over to choir practice, but the director told me I had to audition.”

“What?  Oh, honey, that’s ridiculous.  You’ve sung in the choir for years.”

“Yeah, I told her that, but she said since she’s new she doesn’t know where everyone’s ranges are and she wants to set them up herself.  So I missed the first rehearsal because I didn’t know about the auditions.”  Shannon picked up a stuffed bear sitting by her pillow and gave it a few punches to its worn face.  “It’s not my fault that I didn’t get the email.  I still need to find someone to talk to about that—it’s not fixed yet.  They said they’d have to give me a new email address, which is ridiculous, because how will that help me get the emails I’ve been missing.”

“I’m so sorry, honey.  But surely the director should give you a chance to audition?”

Shannon hurled the long-suffering bear to the floor.  “She told me I could come by tonight, but I don’t know if I will even bother.  I could tell she didn’t really want to do it, and if she’s just going to be against me from the very beginning, I won’t waste my time.”

“Well, you can find something better to do.  What about the theatre?  You said that the play they’re doing this fall is a good one.”

“I don’t even know if I’ll have time,” Shannon groaned, falling back onto the bed.  “My thesis has to be at least fifteen pages long, Mom.  How does anyone have that much to say about art?  Seriously.”

“You should, if you want to make a career out of it.”

Shannon didn’t like that—her brow furrowed, and she slid out of the bed to go stand before her full-length mirror.  “You know I’m more inclined toward the business end—admissions, advertising, that sort of thing.”

“Honey, if you’re not interested in art then maybe you should look into something else—sales, or marketing maybe—”

“No, I’m tired of school, Mom,” Shannon whined, her shoulders slumping.  “I want to get started on my life.  I’m finished in December and that’s it.  I’ll do what I can with what I’ve got.”

“All right, but you know it’s no big deal, sweetie.  Daddy and I just want you to be happy.”

“I am happy, so stop worrying.”  Shannon tugged at her skirt.  Then her spine straightened, and something sharp came into her aura that I did not like at all.  “How’s Alex?”

Shannon’s mother sighed.  “Well, he’s still in town.  Still at the grocery store—Daddy saw him and talked to him a few nights ago.”

Shannon smiled, but this smile was not the free, happy, beautiful one I had seen before.  This one came from the sharpness in her aura, and it carried a smugness that made it ugly.  “Still bagging groceries, huh?”

“He’s saving up, Daddy says.  He wants to get a new car.”

“Well, good luck to him,” Shannon said, but she didn’t mean it a bit.  She tilted her head, watching the light on her hair.  “Did he ask about me?”

“I don’t know, sweetheart.  I don’t think so, Daddy would’ve said so if he had.”

This did not please Shannon as the news of the man’s situation had.  She frowned at herself.

I have learned since speaking to Danit that this man was a long-term partner of Shannon’s.  Their relationship was growing tense, and Danit says that I was scheduled to help them mend their differences.  Before I could meet with them, however, Shannon abruptly terminated the relationship.  She has been so hostile in matters of love since then that it would not have done any good for me to be with her.  Only lately has she become willing to think about being with someone else again.

“Honey, maybe you should give him a call,” her mother was saying.  “He’s such a sweet boy, and I just don’t understand—”

“Oh, God, Mom, shut up,” Shannon sighed.  “I’ve already moved on.  In fact, I met someone today.”

Shannon’s mother did not seem as shocked as I was by the disrespect.  “Oh?” she asked.  “Who is it?  Someone in one of your classes?”

Shannon spun and scooped up her bear again, squeezing it against her chest.  “Even better.  He’s a TA for one of the English professors, so he’s the same age as me.  He’s a poet, and he’s beautiful.”  She collapsed back on the bed and sighed.

“What’s his name?”

“Mark.  We ran into each other outside the art studios this afternoon and got to talking, and I gave him my number.  I bet he calls me tonight—that would be just the thing I need.”

“You gave him your number already?” her mother asked, sounding dismayed.  “Don’t you think that was a little forward?”

“Oh, Mom, please, stop living in the eighties,” Shannon scoffed, sitting up again.  “He was into me, I could tell.”

Her confidence seemed more like arrogance to me, and I resolved to see for myself an interaction between these two to determine for myself what Mark’s feelings are.

“Well, you know I hope you find someone, honey, but I just think it’s going to take some time to find what you had with Alex.  The two of you were together for a few years, and—”

Shannon, whose eyes had rolled into her head at the mention of Alex’s name, cut her mother off there.  “Look, Mom, I really ought to go and fix dinner.  I’m worried my blood sugar will drop.”

“You haven’t eaten yet?” her mother asked in great concern.  “Well, go get something!  We’ll talk again tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay, Mom.”

“I love you, sweetheart.”

“Yeah, love you.”  With this casual response, Shannon hung up the phone.  I expected her to go immediately down the stairs to fix something to eat, but instead she went to her desk and began working on her homework.

This woman who disrespects and lies to her mother, who believes herself to be so attractive to men, who enjoys news of another’s failures—someone she once loved, even—this is my charge.  I am responsible for her happiness.

I should not judge her.  I know that there is good in her, that she can do good things for the world, or else I would not have been sent to her.  But if I cannot love her, how can I hope to find a man who will?