I spent this evening with Hannah, trying to move past my first impression and really begin to understand her. I have to say, while she is not an easy soul to read—almost as difficult as Jonathan was at first—I have learned something for certain, and that is that it is an exhausting process to become a doctor.
Hannah was not working today, so I expected to find her busying herself with a hobby, or perhaps with friends. It is true that after she rose late and made herself a cup of coffee, she spent an hour reading a novel. But then she pulled out her textbooks and set to studying for several hours. The weariness that this brought on her was stratified, layer after layer built over years, and in it I could see the long schooling and the stressful competition of her chosen field.
I consulted with Brid on this topic, and she says that she has seen this in many human healers. Only the strongest—or the stubbornest—make it through the difficult education process, and it often leaves them the worst for stress or having abandoned their relationships.
Thankfully, Hannah does seem to have several solid friendships, for not long before suppertime, she received a call that lifted her spirits. Her friend Hilary demanded to know whether she was studying, and when Hannah had to admit that she was, she was ordered to leave the apartment immediately and come and meet “the band” at a nearby restaurant.
I never did get an explanation for why they call their group a band, but it was a pleasure to meet the members nevertheless. Hilary, Hope, and Nina, it turns out, are all friends of Hannah’s from graduate school, though only Hilary and Nina are still in the medical field; Hope dropped out of the medical program and is now an artist. This had next to no effect on their friendship—indeed, it seems that Hope has been an excellent supporter and caretaker for the others in their most difficult moments of school.
Their conversation with Hannah was also most instructive.
“Dating anyone yet?” Hilary asked, poking Hannah.
“Nope,” she answered.
“Why not? There’s that cute guy with you in your residency, isn’t there?” Nina asked.
“John? He’s got a girlfriend.”
“No, not him, the other one—Ben?”
“Very gay,” Hannah said with a laugh.
“Damn.”
“Nah, dating someone in your residency is a very bad idea,” Hilary said, waving her hands.
The others laughed. “Says the woman who married someone she met in her residency,” Hope pointed out.
Hilary was unrepentant. “Yes, because I knew if I made it through the residency without killing him, I had to marry him. But seriously, Hannah, you have to get on that app that I sent you.”
“Nah, I’m good, thanks,” Hannah said. “I haven’t got time for all that.”
“Make time,” Hilary insisted.
I saw then that there was worry behind Hilary’s demeanor—she, too, believes that Hannah is too isolated, too focused on her work. I wrapped two wings around Hannah and urged her to listen.
Hannah shook her head, then smiled at Hilary. “I’ll give it a try, Hils, I promise.”
“You better,” Hilary said, not certain she should believe Hannah.
The conversation drifted then, moving on to Hope’s next gallery showing, the prospering of Hilary’s practice, and a recent accident that kept Nina in the emergency room several hours past her shift. That one made them all grave, for Nina is a fellow for pediatric surgery.
From all this, I learned that Hannah is deeply compassionate and feels strongly for her patients. I’d already known that she was hard-working, but she puts the same energy and attention into her friends’ lives as she does into her work. She has little interest in romance, but she loves well, as was evident from her interaction with “the band”.
Is it only weariness, or fear of giving up her solitude, that keeps her from making a romantic connection? This is what I must discover, and then, of course, I must see whether such a connection will help her. I believe it will, but I have been wrong before and shall be again. Whatever happens, I do wish the best for her, as with all my charges—the very best and nothing less.