All is going well with Rob and Anna, I report with much regret. I do feel a bit guilty for my misgivings, because he does make her very happy. She has never before met someone who had such a genuine interest in her. And to be fair to him, his interest is genuine. Why should it not be? She is beautiful, and kind, and intelligent, and she carries herself with an unconscious grace that he has never encountered before. But what he does not understand is that grace is given by her faith, and he does not know that he is beginning to shake that faith.
He talked her into skipping church this morning. He has to work the next few evenings, and so he came to her apartment early this morning and offered to take her to brunch.
“I can’t,” she said, “I have church.” Indeed, she was nearly ready to walk out the door when he arrived.
“Blow it off.”
“I can’t just—”
“Come on, you’re there every Sunday, right?” he said, his voice sounding eminently reasonable. “And everything is always the same. Words, music, bread, wine. You know the deal.”
“That’s not what it’s about.”
“What is it about, then?” he asked, a laugh in his voice. “Devoting your life to God? Letting him know he is important to you? I’ve heard all the arguments, you know. And I’ll point out to you that when it’s an obligation to be there, you’re engaging in a kind of hypocrisy.”
“It’s not an obligation!” she protested.
“It is if you would rather be somewhere else,” he said. He leaned closer to her with a smile. “And I think we both know that you’d rather be with me.”
“Well, I’d rather not miss the only chance to see you for the next three days,” she admitted, with an openness that charmed him. “But it really wouldn’t be an obligation…” She trailed off with the sense that this was not precisely what she wanted to say—that she knew what she was thinking, but not how to phrase it that he would understand.
“But the point of worship is that it is an obligation sometimes,” I whispered in her ear. “Sometimes faith is a burden, and that is what makes it faith. For the sake of those moments that it gives you what you need, you give of yourself in turn.”
Anna had no time to say any of this, though, for Rob leaned down then and kissed her lightly, and her heart flew into her mouth, seeming to flutter against his lips.
“Come with me, Anna,” he murmured. “Don’t worry about the future. Be with me now.”
I knew then that there was nothing more I could say. She agreed happily, and they went out together, hand-in-hand.
I know that it is so small—just one day, just one step away, just one moment of silence. But I lost Shannon so quickly, so entirely, and I cannot help but be afraid of this for Anna’s sake. I wish that she could see that however much good Rob is doing for her heart now, he is also capable of doing great damage to her spirit.
Today was a loss, but I will keep trying. I will not let her go, not until I am sure she is happy and secure, and that she will stay that way.